The Renewal
by CrewsLife
Summary: Affected by the ghosts of his past, Commander Robert Shepard attempts to deal with the galaxy changing events with the help of his partner, Ashley Williams. Takes place during/after the story of Mass Effect 3.
1. Chapter 1  The Days Gone By

**Chapter 1: The Days Gone By**

_(on board the Normandy after departing Earth, headed to the Mars Archive)_

Shepard had just received the orders from Adm. Hackett about diverting to Mars. He wasn't happy about the sudden change of plans as the original order was head to the Citadel to talk with the Council and especially after reluctantly having to leave Earth during the beginning of its most desperate hour, leaving behind Anderson. He decided to just hang around in the cargo bay for it wouldn't be much of a long trip traveling to Mars.

"Hell, it's not even worth taking off my shoes..." he thought to himself as he sat on an ammo container in the corner of the bay, slouched over holding his head up with his hands, elbows being propped up by his knees. His thought was suddenly interrupted by a voice, a familiar one, but one that he honestly was not all that interested in hearing right now.

"Commander, I… don't necessarily like doing this either. I'd have much rather stayed." said Lieutenant Commander Ashley Williams, as she was pulling up a small chair so she could be somewhat close to Shepard. "I don't know what the hell Hackett expects us to find on Mars but…" She tried to continue her sentence before being interrupted herself…

"Me neither" replied Shepard in a mumbled tone as he wasn't exactly in a talking mood – still staring at the floor. And to the person who he has barely had a chance to see? Much less talk to in so long despite his own best efforts to try and correct that problem?

Ashley frowned.

She couldn't think of anything else to say. She thought maybe talking about the mission at hand might help wear off the uneasiness that was between them. She still felt terrible about what she said to him on Horizon, even if she apologized as best as she could in an e-mail to him later, even letting him know that she still cared for him. But she never got a reply, which hurt her and also left her completely guessing as to what was on his mind.

"I guess we'll find out when we get there" Shepard said, breaking the awkward silence that existed for several moments. He stood up and went over to the weapon bench to switch out rifles.

Ashley was the one now staring at the floor. Fiddling her bottom lip with her teeth as if she were entirely immersed in thought. Her heart felt like it was in her stomach. She was brave enough to come over and try to talk to him but it didn't go as easy as she hoped it would be. He seemed fine when they bumped into each other with Anderson… not all of this could be a result of what's happening to Earth could it? Robert often talked about his time on Earth as a child when they had some time alone aboard the SR-1 after the destruction of Sovereign and before the destruction of the original Normandy and…himself, he didn't have much personal meaning left for his home anymore. Something else had to be bothering him. Something WAS bothering him. Or _someone_ rather?

Ashley stood up herself, looking over at Shepard who was still at the bench fiddling with a thermal clip. "One more try…" she thought to herself, attempting to muster up the bravery again to approach him. To try and strike up a conversation. Only this time it was harder, after being basically blown off once already.

Shepard then set down the clips and rifle, and walked on over to the locker where another Alliance soldier was standing and started to ask him a question pertaining to the new outline of the Normandy.

"He clearly isn't interested in talking I guess…" she muttered under her breath. Disappointment. Sadness. Anger. She couldn't choose the emotion she wanted to feel for she felt all three. But, it was partly her fault as well she thought. She chastised herself for not going with Anderson to meet up with Shepard at least once while he was in Alliance custody. Now she felt "behind" on the task of trying to re-kindle what they had, for that was as good of a chance as any to do so. So much time had passed since the night before Illos. More than time. So much has happened, yet it still feels like the morning after.

The lights went on in the cargo bay signaling to board the shuttle. Vega was already inside, waiting on everybody else. Ashley grabbed her rifle and boarded, not wanting to be the last one on board. Shepard then got in shortly after and they took off. The whole ride down to the Archives she tried to remain as quiet as possible, when they landed it'll be business as usual she thought. "Maybe that will help." It certainly was not easy having strong feelings for a person that she hardly ever saw, much less spoke to.

The feeling however, was mutual.


	2. Chapter 2 Powerless

**Chapter 2: Powerless**

_(Ashley is lying in her hospital bed after Shepard's 2__nd__ visit)_

"On lips that are for others; deep as love, Deep as first love…"

Ashley closed the Tennyson book that Shepard had brought to her. She could only read so much before her head started to hurt, still suffering minor migraines from the injuries that she incurred from that "thing" on Mars. She placed the book on her lap and turned her head to the left to look out the window. Glancing out at the Citadel she let out a deep sigh. Her mind was once again somewhere else. On someone else.

She trusted Shepard again. Him coming by to chat, and also chasing away Udina in the process, was a pleasant moment. His words were words that only someone could only speak with true sincerity. It was all real, everything he said. And that helped her feel better than any medication the salarian doctors gave her.

Ashley thought back to Mars. She decided she had enough and finally confronted Shepard about things she not only wanted to know, but frankly needed to know. Part of her actually wanted to see him stumble around the questions, just to prove her doubts about him. Her stubbornness at times was something she herself hated. But Shepard answered them without any hesitation, almost as if they were programmed responses to what she wanted to hear. It almost baffled her. "Only he would know what to say.." she remembers thinking back on the elevator. It drew some of the anger out of her during this, replying harshly at one point saying "Don't 'Ash' me" because Shepard had completely torn apart her plan to be skeptical of him, not ready to fully trust it was actually him.

Ash asked more questions about "them" during his visit. And again, she heard what she wanted to hear as if Shepard were reading her mind.

It was for real, every one of Shepard's answers had her sold. She was fawning over him just like she had just those couple of years ago. Ashley felt powerless.


	3. Chapter 3 Guilt by Gunpoint

**Chapter 3: Guilt by Gunpoint**

_(takes place on board the Normandy's Observation Deck after the Cerberus Citadel Coup)_

Shepard felt awful about the confrontation with Ashley and the Council. It wasn't something he expected and his mind raced a mile a minute during it.

"What is she doing?"

Shepard had successfully convinced Ashley to step aside and that Udina couldn't be trusted and was in the wrong. Shepard was distracted with the other Council members, not noticing Udina had pulled a gun on the Asari Councilor. Ash had screamed "GUN!" and had shot Udina herself before Shepard could even take notice. He couldn't help but look at Ashley after the shot was fired, he had seen her reaction.

"Son of a bitch…" she muttered.

Shepard recognized this look for he had experienced it himself before. The feeling of "What have I done?"

Shepard hated himself for it. If he could go back and shoot Udina himself, he would. It would have spared her any guilt she now may be feeling over the whole ordeal. He wanted to atone for that, deciding to go see her down in her room…

*door opens*

"Ash… you in here?"

Shepard looked to his right, seeing Ash sitting on the lounge chair by the lamp light.

"I just thought we could talk for a bit. You and me."

Ashley closed her book and looked up at Shepard, he had gained her attention.

Shepard began talking…

"I'm sorry about what happened back there with Udina. It was my fault, I should have known better. Restrained him myself maybe, I.."

Ash interrupted him.

"I'm ok, Skipper. Never did like the bastard myself. Just the whole him being responsible for promoting me to Spectre status and all made it seem more dramatic than it really was."

"Yeah" replied Shepard, not knowing what to even say. He expected her to be a little bit more broken up about it. Why wasn't she?

Ashley began again, placing the book on the table next to the chair.

"Besides, I was the one who held a gun on you in the first place. So before you go off on your guilt trip about me, let's just make sure we both know that I'm the only one who has any right to feel guilty here."

Shepard let out a small chuckle. She always seemed to turn to humor when things got a bit too serious between them. He liked that.

Ashley stood up and walked over to Shepard who was leaning against the wall with this right shoulder. As she grew closer, he leaned off of the wall and held out his arms.

They hugged.

It was the first of such kind since they first saw each other on Horizon. This one was different however.

Ashley pulled back. She let out a sigh of relief type breath.

"Just exactly how I remember them too. Damn Skipper…. you don't miss a beat."

She walked on over to the window, looking out at the black space. Shepard followed her over a few seconds later.

"It's not hard to remember how to hug you when I'm replaying all the previous ones in my head constantly." Shepard said.

Ashley laughed.

"And it's not hard to remember your lines are as corny as ever when you come up with doozies like that one."

Shepard smiled again at the humor she invoked.

Ashley turned towards him. Grabbing and petting his right arm sleeve with both of her hands, growing a little closer to him.

"So tell me, are the hugs the only thing that you replay in your head? Or are there other things too?"

Shepard tensed up slightly for he knew where this was going, but he didn't know for sure. Best to play it safe maybe?

"Not exactly. There…may or may not be other things about you up here." Shepard lifting his left arm up a bit pointing to the side of his head. A not-so-subtle flirt.

Ashley grew even closer to him. Their bodies were merely centimeters apart now.

"If you don't mind Sir, I could use a little refresher on this one."

She draped her arms around his neck. Bringing his lips to hers. Shepard moved his hands to her hips and slightly towards her ass.

It was a tender moment for the both of them. One that was years in the making. All of the tension and uneasiness between them was now gone. It was back to normal for them.

After a few minutes Shepard broke the moment.

"Why don't you come up to my cabin? Grab your things and put them up there. Stay with me for atleast a little while?" he asked.

Ashley was a little annoyed he broke the moment to ask such a question but it was also a good option. It'd allow them to be a little closer. Even more together than they already were.

"Alright, Skipper. I don't have much though, you said I could only bring one footlocker after all.." she answered.

Shepard smiled and realized the small mistake he made. Ash wasn't like the rest of the crew or a new comer even.

"Yeah, sorry about that." Shepard said.

Ashley looked back up at him.

"Didn't have a whole lot anyway. Left everything else behind back on Earth. Gone now. Probably those damn looters." Ash realized this was a bit of a harsh thing to say considering the situation on Earth. Shepard didn't seem to mind though, it was the bluntness and reputation to say whatever she thought that made him admire her. She never held back.

"Or husks. But what's the difference?" said Shepard, playing along.

"I'm... also assuming you're not asking me to come up to your cabin so I can sleep on the couch. Your bed a little _too_ big?, Skipper?"

"It's got enough room if that's what you're asking. Might be a little small at times, but in war-time we all gotta make sacrifices, LC." Shepard replied sarcastically.

"Yes, sir. I'm sure we'll be able to make do."

Ash gathered her things and put them in the footlocker. She took the elevator first up to the cabin, not wanting to raise suspicion to the rest of the crew that was on the floor. She arrived on the cabin floor and set down the footlocker by the desk. She surveyed the room.

"Nice isn't it? Can't keep all of this to myself, can I?" Shepard said as he entered the room.

"Rigggghhhhht. You're being unselfish. Allowing me to have a little more living space. That's it. Thanks Commander." Ashley replied in a tone that let Shepard know his sarcasm needed some work.

"This isn't all a part of your guilt trip is it, Shepard?" Ash inquired.

Shepard let out a small laugh.

"No, it's not. Just thought it'd be a good idea."

"Well, I can think of worse ways to try and get someone into bed. By having me up here you're just trying to reduce the amount of effort you gotta put into it, right? Like if I'm already here, you don't have to come look for me."

"Something like that." Shepard answered.

"I like it. Saves me a trip on the elevator at least." Ash continued on the flirty conservation.

"Glad you could see things from my perspective." Shepard moved towards her putting his hands on her hips again.

"And you make quick work too." Ash said reacting to his move. "But not now." She moved his hands off her hips and gave him a kiss. "I need to check back with my sister, promised I'd get back to her. She's still hurting a lot."

"Yeah. I understand. You go on ahead, catch up with you later." Shepard replied. "We're ok though, right Ash? No hard feelings or anything like that?" he asked before she went.

Ash looked back at him.

"We're good, Skipper." She gave him a slight wink and pressed the button on the elevator to go down.


	4. Chapter 4 Cleanup and Conditioning

**Chapter 4: Cleanup and Conditioning**

_(takes place after the destruction of the Reaper on Rannoch, inside Shepard's Cabin)_

It was an exhausting and dangerous mission.

Afterwards, Shepard decided to head up to the cabin and get cleaned up. He noticed that his beard was growing out of control but he hadn't done anything about it because he hadn't had the chance, much less even thought about it. He dug out the razor and shaved it back into shape, to where it was pretty much a perfect 5 o'clock shadow. Staring at the mirror, he heard the cabin door open.

It was Ashley of course.

The restroom door was slid open still and she peeked inside from around the corner. Once she noticed Shepard was dressed and at the sink, she assumed it was safe.

"Feeling alright?" she asked.

"I've felt better. But I think it's just the aftershave." Shepard replied jokingly, knowing full well what she was actually asking about.

"I was wondering when you were going to address that problem, Commander." She answered, playing along since she didn't get the direct answer she wanted. Also approaching him to get a feel of his new clean shaven face. To which she got without any resistance from him.

Shepard exited the restroom walking past Ashley and down to the couch located against the wall.

"Figured I've earned at least a few minutes of rest." Shepard said, ranting to himself. "Been running around the damn galaxy non-stop. Feels like it's been years since I just sat down and took a breath."

"Yeah well, you're not the only one that's doing all the running, Skipper." Ashley retorted back, coming over to sit on the couch too. "But….taking down a Reaper on foot? … Then you go and talk to the damn thing?" She continued.

Shepard let out a small laugh.

"Well I wasn't the one hiding in the backseat of a tank."

Ashley rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, about that. I really appreciate you stuffing me into a tank with a geth. Haven't had many positive experiences with them if you recall."

Shepard saddened up a bit. Legion sacrificed himself for his people. Ashley wasn't all that familiar with him, so he understood her doubts but it still hurt a little.

"Reminds me of the chat we had with Sovereign." Ashley said in a humorous tone, breaking the silence. "He was one arrogant son of a bitch."

Shepard couldn't help but smile at least a little.

"That he was."

Ashley began again.

"It's always nice when you can put the cocky ones in their place and tell 'em to shove it."

Shepard laughed this time. There she was again, lightening the mood with humor when he needed it the most.

"You know, I've had several people tell me I'm pretty cocky myself…" Shepard said, egging her on.

"Well, to be honest they're not too far off the mark, Skipper. But…I think it has to do with your second-in-command more than anything else."

Shepard playfully rolled his eyes.

"Is that right, LC?"

"Of course." She replied sarcastically.

Shepard pretended to ponder the idea.

"Maybe they just are jealous of my ability to keep my 'yes-men' in check."

This time Ashley busted out laughing, unable to contain it any longer.

"You and I both know that's just a bunch of bullshit, Commander."

"Oh?" Shepard continued on with the heavy sarcasm…

"When the hell was the last time I agreed to any of your insane ideas?" Ashley said attempting to be somewhat serious while recovering from laughter.

"I don't know. One moment sticks out like a sore thumb though."

Ashley wasn't picking up on it.

"WHEN?" she asked.

Shepard shot back.

"You know… took place in a room similar to this one actually. Had something to do with Illos if I remember right."

Ashley picked up the pillow lying on the couch and threw it at him.

"Does NOT count."

Shepard couldn't resist.

"Oh yes it does. And I also seem to remember that it was more of your idea than it was mine."

Realizing she had nothing else to throw, Ashley inched herself close enough to Shepard so she could punch him in the upper arm.

Shepard also realized he had struck some sort of gold.

"Digging deeper I also seem to remember something about dropping to the floor for 20?"

"That's it!"

Ashley jumped up from the couch and threw herself onto his lap. She grabbed both sides of his head and then playfully slapped the right cheek of Shepard's.

"Ahh!" Shepard yelped out. "That still burns damnit."

Ashley smiled and laughed.

Shepard grabbed her by the waist, lifted her up and he threw themselves onto the bed. He was breathing more heavily now.

"Hmm. You're out of shape, Skipper. That Reaper tire you out that quickly? Might need to work on your conditioning, seems like you've been slacking. We may have to push it to 40 now…"

Shepard lied on the bed with her on top of him.

"Is it that obvious?" Shepard asked.

"In more ways than one, Sir."

Almost a full 45 minutes had passed. They were now lying together on the bed. Shepard was fully asleep now but Ash was still fully awake. She lay next to him looking at him as he struggled to sleep. She figured it was best to leave him alone, he truly had to be exhausted now. Ash smiled at that thought. Still, she couldn't help but notice his trouble sleeping. She heard about his nightmares, but seeing him literally in the middle of one was a bit different.

Ash got fully dressed and took the elevator down to the Crew Deck. Figuring she could use something to eat and there might be something she could scrounge from the mess hall. She took her food back into the observatory room, not wanting anyone to bother her and she didn't particularly care to hear any of James' or Garrus' banter right now.

Ash sat wondering about Shepard the whole time, not a whole had disappeared off of her plate. She wanted to help him somehow. Maybe a little R&R on the Commons would help his mind ease off of things she thought.

"Just us two…"

Ashley then picked up her tablet and submitted a message to Shepard over the extranet. It was something she felt a little more comfortable doing this way instead of confronting him about it. It was also a way that would allow Shepard to 'turn her down' on her offer, in case he wasn't sure about wanting to talk about it. Seeing him struggle with the nightmares like that scared her. Worried her. How could something so small bring down such a strong man?

Ashley felt that Shepard was back and fully committed to her again. But it wouldn't hurt if she could dig a bit deeper. Make him actually say it to her directly. It'd help her conscious anyway. And perhaps knowing that she would be there for him no matter what now might help him too, help him relax. She couldn't help but notice the tension he had even when it was just them during more intimate moments. So strung up because of all the weight on his shoulders. Ash desperately wanted to help him take all of the weight off of his shoulders, but she knew that wasn't possible. Shepard wouldn't let her because he also in a way liked having the responsibility. The feeling of being in-control, in-charge, in-command. The final decision maker. It was a trait that Ashley herself admired because it was a similar one to her. She was a leader, not a follower. It was this stubbornness that perhaps led to her not joining Shepard in his fight with the Collectors. She couldn't give up her duties with the Alliance just to blindly follow someone, even if she cared deeply for him.

Ashley felt a tear roll down her cheek. She wasn't one to get choked up easily but this was different.


	5. Chapter 5 Under the Table

**Chapter 5: Under the Table**

_(takes place on the Citadel Commons after the "main date scene" that occurs in the game)_

"It's amazing how quiet it is up here." Shepard remarked.

They were walking together around the Commons now. But careful not to get too close to each other as they didn't know who they might bump into walking around now so there certainly wasn't any hand-holding. It was relatively deserted there at the tables by the café so they were able to get away with a little more, but it was best not to take any chances. The Alliance regulations still existed.

"Yeah, considering it was just invaded by Cerberus and all. You must have a short memory in order to live here on the Citadel apparently" Ash said sarcastically.

"Well, cross this place off the list then." Shepard said.

"Why's that?" Ashley asked, unsure of what he was talking about.

"My memory or mind is a little… different from other people. Beacons and other things kind of fucked that up."

Ash had to step around a Volus who was standing in the middle of the walkway.

"Well, don't say I didn't volunteer, Skipper. You were the one that shoved me out of the way and stole all the beacony-ness for yourself."

"Yeah, in hindsight that might have worked out better." Shepard said with a chuckle.

"Except for the part where I'd be the one that ended up dead because the Collectors thought I was a threat and everything. You'd be even more at a loss than you already are."

Shepard got caught up in his own thoughts. Everything. It truly was amazing how much has happened in such a short amount of time.

"What do you say we head down to Purgatory?" he asked.

"Drinking won't erase all of the memories, if that's what you're implying…" Ashley replied but agreeing to the change of plan.

They walked through the entrance of the club and stopped. Both of them looked at each and Shepard shrugged his shoulders and they both headed on their way over to the bar.

"I'll take your best draft." Shepard ordered from the bartender.

Ashley looked at Shepard and smiled.

"Pussy."

"Double-shot of your best whiskey" Ashley blurted out to the bartender.

Shepard looked at her in a slight state of shock.

"Uhh… Didn't I just find you hungover on the floor a few days ago?"

"I can handle myself."

Shepard thought to himself now. Getting hammered wasn't what he intended to do. But seeing Ash one-up him was something he couldn't allow to happen.

Shepard got the bartender's attention again. He quickly downed the beer he originally intended to savor. He held up his fingers to signal the bartender what he wanted.

Ash looked at Shepard curiously, wondering what he was up to now.

The bartender delivered the shot glass to Shepard and poured the drink to Shepard's exact measurement. He was holding four fingers against the glass, showing how far he wanted it filled.

Ashley began to laugh.

"You've GOT to be kidding me." Ashley said, talking over the loud music. "20 credits says you can't finish all of that."

Shepard cocked his head side to side as if he were trying loosen up before a fist fight. He then knocked it back in one fell swoop.

Ash stood there in amazement.

"I'm guessing we're going to Huerta next so you can get your stomach pumped?" she said, poking fun at Shepard and actually somewhat hoping he wouldn't be able to hold it.

"I'm good." Shepard replied looking straight ahead at the shelf with all the various bottles on it.

"Uh huh. A damn Salarian could out drink you, Commander. You're not fooling anybody and certainly not me."

"I thought it was a challenge?" Shepard asked, turning to her and putting his left arm on the bar and leaning on it.

"I never said anything…" answered Ashley, pretending to be innocent.

"Figured I'd end the challenge as quickly as possible. And I believe you owe me 20 credits, LC." Shepard said sternly, attempting to sound serious.

"Oh, pulling rank now huh, Skipper?"

"Damn right I am. You challenged a superior officer and now I'm performing my duty to put you back in line."

"Tsk." Ashley said playfully but Shepard gave another stern look.

"I'm sorry, Sir. Won't happen again."

Shepard laughed. The sudden large intake of alcohol was having an effect on him now.

"One more change of plan…"

"Oh boy, here we go…" said Ashley.

Shepard walked away from the bar and towards the stairs leading up to the dance floor.

"Please God no. Damnit no!" begged Ashley, knowing what he was going for.

Shepard only looked back and smirked, continuing on his way. Ashley let out a groan and followed him up the stairs attempting to catch up to him.

Once she got all the way up she could see him already at it on the floor. She approached him.

"Bobby, please you're embarrassing yourself."

"So?" Shepard replied back but not stopping.

"You're also embarrassing me." Ash shot back, trying not to laugh hysterically.

Shepard then grabbed Ashley by the arm and made her join him on the floor.

"It's been a long time since we shared a dance, don't you think?" he asked.

"Not long enough" Ashley said back, only this time she was laughing.


	6. Chapter 6 Strength

**Chapter 6: Strength**

_(Takes place aboard the Normandy in the Lounge, after Thessia. Please note that some of the storyline is changed from the cutscene in the game)_

Shepard had just enough talking with Hackett on the vidcomm. Talking with Hackett helped a bit. Hackett was his superior and for him to show faith in Shepard even after he failed to deliver was something he appreciated. Continue to fight, never give up.

Talking with Anderson however was different. He was more straight-forward and personal with Shepard. Essentially telling him to "suck it up" and move on. Anderson was not only a superior as well, but a friend. One that understood what he was going through. But Shepard didn't expect Anderson to come and feel sorry for him, given David's own situation on Earth. Hearing Anderson as blunt as usual was uplifting. Here Anderson was in hell itself, but he still held the same attitude and bravado as he always recognized from him. Shepard felt like quitting. Even though Anderson was still holding onto optimism and was still leading the fight, it was ultimately up to Shepard to end this thing. And he'd failed.

Shepard exited the comm room, passing through the war room without a word to anyone and went back into the CIC, taking the elevator down to the crew deck. Upon arriving on the deck, he took a right and made his way into the lounge.

He grabbed a bottle of vodka and a glass from the shelf, closed the observation window shutter, and took a seat on the couch. Shepard poured himself a drink. And then one more.

He couldn't stop thinking about how they could be that close to ending it all but come up completely empty at the end of it. Failing wasn't something he was not used to, nor could get used to. It just wasn't in him.

Shepard wallowed in his own thoughts for what seemed like hours but was only a few minutes. His mind raced. Replaying everything in his mind about what happened again. What could he have done differently? How could this have even happened in the first place?

Ashley came down to the CIC after taking a nap in the cabin. She talked with Joker about what happened down on Thessia. Joker was understanding about the whole ordeal, he still hated himself for the Collector attack on the Normandy even though there was nothing he could do about it so he could relate to Shepard in a way.

"You seen him lately by any chance?" Ash asked referring to Shepard.

"No…last I saw him was when you three came back abroad the ship. Looked pretty pissed off so I didn't say anything." Joker answered.

"Yeah he was pretty steamed." Ash said looking back down the bridge hallway towards the CIC room.

"Actually, I was talking about you." Joker said.

Ash turned back to Joker who was sitting in the chair and rolled her eyes at him.

"Still am. So you better watch it." She said to him jokingly.

"Yes, ma'am." Joker replied and turned his seat back around towards the pilot controls. Ash gave him a pat on the shoulder and left the bridge and headed to the elevator. She figured she'd ask Garrus where Shepard was. Garrus and him always talked after missions. Garrus was a soldier who suddenly had a lot of responsibility placed on him too so they related quite a bit.

The door to the battery opened before Ashley could get there.

"Ash. Need me for something?" the turian asked.

"Not really Garrus, just wondering if you knew where Shepard was."

"Hmm. Haven't seen him. Try the captain's quarters?" Garrus asked unknowing that Ashley was now staying there herself and that she was in there just a little bit ago.

Ash dodged the question as best as she could.

"Yeah, I don't think he's there. Nobody answered the door." Ash answered nervously.

"Well if he comes by I'll let you know Ash. I gotta go see Liara. She's taking it pretty hard."

"Heard her and the Prothean got into it a little bit. Everything alright?" Ashley asked.

"For now. Just angry emotion. Finding out your Gods weren't really actually Gods. Quite the revelation to find out." Garrus explained. "Almost makes me wonder about the Turian Gods. If… there are any left. Then on top of all that, you're homeworld is getting demolished by machines taller than your own Asari skyscrapers."

"Bastards. Just have to keep up the hope. All we can do for Earth at the moment too" replied Ashley. She wasn't quite sure how to respond to that.

"Catch you later Ash." Garrus said, leaving.

"Thanks anyways Garrus.." Ashley said to him as he on his way.

Now Ashley was baffled. Where could he be? She'd already checked all the places where he normally was when aboard the ship. She peered in the window and could see he wasn't in visiting Dr. Chakwas in the med-bay. On just a hunch, she figured she'd check the lounge first before heading down to Engineering to ask Adams.

The door to the lounge opened and Ash saw him standing at the bar and with an empty glass. The bottle of vodka was still on the table but no more had been drunk from it besides the two glasses Shepard had poured.

"Robert?" Ashley asked with a concerning tone.

Shepard turned around and saw it was her. Anybody else he would have told them now isn't a good time.

Acknowledging her, he gave a non-enthusiastic "Hey Ash" reply.

"I was worried there for a second. I couldn't find you. I fell asleep, I figured you'd eventually come up to the cabin yourself. Something still on your mind?" Ash asked. She knew something was wrong. She could tell just from her instincts.

"I failed Ash. We were so damn close and then Cerberus just fucking rips everything right out from under us. How the hell are they always one step ahead of us?"

Shepard was still tense. He had calmed down somewhat by the quietness of being alone for awhile but it also allowed for more anger to build up inside that he needed to get out.

"Sick of this bullshit. Wish that Illusive bastard would come out from hiding instead of sending his damn errand boys. I'd have a few choice words for him." He continued.

"Well, I think you'd have a bit more for him than just a few quick words, Skipper. No offense." Ash said, getting a word in.

Shepard smirked at what she had to say.

"Maybe it'd involve a few punches too. Or gun shots."

"It'd be an honor if I could take part in that." Ashley jokingly answered.

Ashley could see he was still visibly angry. The vodka probably didn't help, however much he had. She wanted to help him release that anger but she wasn't quite sure how. Humor wasn't going to cut it this unfortunately.

Just then Shepard turned away from the bar and approached her. Shepard put his right thumb on her chin.

"I appreciate you coming to check on me. I'm fine."

"_He gives power to the weak. He increases the strength of him who has no might_." Ashley said. It was a quote from Psalms.

"The Bible. You were reading?" Shepard asked.

"No…one of those verses that I've just remembered over the years. Was one of the ones my Dad liked and quoted often. It's about gaining strength from God." She explained.

"God give me strength then. Lord knows we're going to need it." Shepard said back.

Ashley let out a small sigh.

"Well…What's the plan now? Got anything left up your sleeve, Skipper?" she asked him.

Shepard took down his thumb.

"I talked to Anderson. Point blank, he told me to quit feeling sorry for myself. So that's what I'm gonna do."

Ashley chuckled. She too, knew Anderson and his ability to be very blunt when it's needed the most. No sweet-talk, no bullshitting, straight forward, short and to the point.

"Funny. I was going to say the same thing. Don't want you moping around too long now, do we?"

"Is that right?" Shepard now asked her.

"Yep. Otherwise I'd have to relieve you of your duty. Unfit for action. 'Tail Too Far Between His Legs Syndrome'." Ashley answered him sarcastically but also getting the point across. The humor worked again somewhat this time.

"Was afraid you were going to call me a pussy again. That hurt my feelings last time."

Ashley smiled. "I basically just did, sir."

Shepard then went over and pressed the button device that enabled communication to the bridge and looked up at the ceiling.

"Joker tell everyone to assemble in the war room. It's urgent." He ordered and Joker acknowledged the command with his usual "Aye, Aye Commander."

Before leaving, Shepard looked back to Ashley again.

"Seriously, Ash. Thanks. Anybody else would have come in I'd have told them to get the hell out."

Ashley smiled and approached him.

"So you're saying I have special privileges?"

"Perhaps, or maybe you've got too fine of an ass to say 'no' to and tell to get out." Shepard flirted with her.

"Likewise, Skipper. Likewise."

"I guess I better get going before the crew thinks something's up. You coming?" he asked.

"Right behind you."

Shepard then opened the door and they walked to the elevator and headed back up to the CIC. He planned to find where Cerberus was hiding. It was just the next step.


	7. Chapter 7 The Long Way Back

**Chapter 7: The Long Way Back**

_(takes place in Shepard's Cabin on the Normandy after Horizon and before the launch on the Cerberus Base)_

So the plan was set. They were going to hit the Illusive Man's base thanks to the intelligence gathered from Miranda Lawson's tracking device planted on Kai Leng. Shepard was anxious to get it under way but he knew it was best to wait and take all of the necessary precautions first. An all-out assault on Cerberus was likely to cause certain casualties. Cerberus had full military strength like any other species, but this was different. A human vs. mutated human war. The bulk of Cerberus troops were made up of modified husks that were created on Sanctuary by way of Henry Lawson's despicable work. The implications were severe but Shepard knew it had to be done. He was eager for revenge.

But in a way, it also felt like yet another arc in Shepard's life was coming full circle. Cerberus were the ones that brought him back to life. Gave him a second chance. For that he was in their debt, but it was a debt that couldn't be re-paid it turned out.

All of the things the Illusive Man had done during his time working with him and the things that he found out about after he turned himself into the Alliance disgusted him. How could he work with someone willingly so blindly? Was it guilt? Or did he feel that he owed them for bringing him back? It frustrated Shepard. He knew of all the atrocities that Cerberus had committed in their time, more so recently and the troubles they'd given him by getting in his way of destroying the Reapers but he still had a feeling of uncertainty about what he was going to do.

Shepard then thought about all that he had lost during that time period. Friends. Allies. Love… He thought back to the time before passing through the Omega 4 Relay. How he sat there, studying that photo of Ashley for what felt like an eternity. This time he couldn't afford the distraction. Shepard sat at his desk in silence going over his old N7 Alliance combat manuals. He'd read them all at least a dozen times by now in his life… "It couldn't hurt to go over them again" he thought to himself. Seeing if he could find_ anything_ that he might have skipped over before. If not, it would still be a valuable refresher.

He was finding it hard to focus again. A million things were playing out in his mind at once. Shepard tried not to, but he never could help but try and visualize the upcoming fights in his head even if they never turned out to be nothing like the sequences he played out in his head earlier during the actual fighting.

Finally Shepard couldn't keep his eyes open anymore but he needed to stay awake. He went to the restroom and splashed water in his face in an effort to wake himself up. The cool water from the sink helped and the cup of coffee's caffeine got the rest of his body kicking again. Shepard knew he needed sleep more than anything, but he didn't have the time. Standing over his desk now he heard the door open…

He knew it was Ashley so he didn't bother to turn around and see who it was. The door was locked and she was the only one besides him who knew the unlock code since the cabin was as much hers as it was his now. Ash came over to Shepard at his desk and began.

"Everything ready, Shepard?"

"What about you? Are you ready?" Shepard asked in reply.

"Let's get it done and go home." She answered, avoiding his question.

Shepard was a bit annoyed. He was trying to focus on what he needed to do. She was distraction right now, normally he didn't mind when she "distracted" him but this time he was not in the mood.

"We're not getting off that easy, Ash." He said with a stern voice.

Ashley laughed.

"No? We're looking at a rough ride?" she continued to play with Shepard.

Shepard now realized what she was doing, which sort of annoyed him even more. "Not now…" he thought to himself.

"Ash, I get what you're trying to do." He said to her rather harshly, walking away from the desk.

Ashley didn't appreciate the harshness one bit.

"Hey! No brushing me off. Talk to me, what's going on?" she asked him.

Shepard turned around and faced her.

"Sorry. I'm looking for any advantage we can use, anything that'll help. The Reapers, they're not like any enemy we've faced. This isn't just some firefight. It's bigger than that and it's on us to turn back the tide."

Ash tried to reassure him as best as she could, even though she knew he wouldn't buy any of it.

"And we _will_. Sure, we haven't faced them like this before but the same is true for them. We'll win this."

Shepard smiled.

"You're pretty damn sure of yourself."

Ashley laughed and put her hand on his chest.

"Damn straight, Skipper."

Shepard could no longer resist the urge. He was no longer annoyed but now realized that she wanted him and the same was of him; he wanted her.

"We'll get through this. I couldn't do this without you, Ashley. When I first met you back on Eden Prime I saw a woman who never gave up. You lost your company, expected no help and there you were… fighting an invasion single-handedly." He explained to her.

Ash tried not to blush at what he had to say of her.

"You don't… need to say anything, Shepard."

Shepard pushed on. She wasn't going to back out of this now nor was he. He'd waited too damn long for this moment again.

Shepard thought briefly to himself for a moment. He never got this chance last time. She caught herself before she could say it and he backed out of it himself. No more waiting; Now was the time. He had come back to her like she did say, even if it wasn't entirely what she had in mind. No more games, just straight to the point.

"No, I do." He said, putting his thumb on her chin again. A signature move of his…

"I love you." Shepard said with all of his heart.

Ashley frowned a little and looked down to the floor as if she were ashamed.

"I doubted you once Shepard and I lost you." Ashley said as she looked back up at him, drawing herself closer to him by grabbing his arm and placing it on her ass. "That's not happening again…" she finished.

Shepard put his other arm on her shoulder and they gazed into each other's eyes.

"Just shut up and kiss me." Ashley ordered him.

And kissed they did.

Ashley broke apart after a while. Holding both of his hands in the palms of hers now. She looked up at Shepard; she was completely engulfed inside the moment between them.

"Well…I guess I should change into something a bit more… comfortable." Ashley said, making her intentions very clear.

"Yeah, but I don't know if I can wait that long." Shepard replied, teasing her to keep going where she was going.

"Oh, I'm not going anywhere, Skipper. This is my cabin now too, remember? I can change wherever the hell I want."

Shepard grew even closer to her. He knew what she was hinting at. If he wanted her, he had to prove it to her. He was going to have to be the one to make the bold move this time. Shepard reached for the zipper on her uniform. As he began to pull the zipper down, Ash grabbed his wrist with both of her hands with a strong grip, helping the zipper come down. As the zipper reached the end of its line and came apart, they gazed into each other's eyes once more. Shepard helped Ashley pull her arms out of the jacket sleeves. The only thing remaining on her top half now was her bra.

Shepard then took off his N7 jacket and threw it on the desk, kicking his shoes off in the process as well. Things were starting to pick up a more rapid pace. Ashley had taken off her boots and pant leggings. Shepard took off his undershirt. When Shepard peeled the shirt over his head he saw Ashley standing in front of him in nothing but her underwear. He gawked at her in silence, almost beginning to tremble at the beautiful sight that was before him. Ashley grabbed his right hand and lured him over to the bed; she crawled onto it by herself and then looked back at Shepard finally reaching for him to then join her as he stood at the edge of the bed.

As she was on top of him, she went for the button on his black jeans, undoing it and then the zipper. When she got the pants off by herself with no assistance from him, she threw them across the cabin where they landed close to the door. The pace slowed down again.

They switched back and forth between who was on top almost as if it were a wrestling match. When Shepard was on top he attacked her neck gently with his lips, kissing and caressing her. Ashley flipped over and when she had control of him from the top she ran her hands down his chest. Flipping her hair to the side, she would kiss him on the lips until they both practically needed to come up for air.

Soon there was heavy breathing from both of them as a result of the extra 'action'. The wrestling still continued, though at an even slower rate now. Every piece of clothing lay scattered across the cabin, with the latter parts of clothing laying at the side of the bed now. There hadn't been a single word spoken by the either of them for almost a half an hour. Ashley let off of Shepard and fell to the left side of the bed. She was breathing more heavily than Shepard for 'obvious' reasons. There was sweat starting to steam off of the both of them.

"Damn, Skipper… time out." Ashley managed to say while attempting to catch her breath.

Shepard laughed a little.

"Who the hell turned off the air conditioning in here?" he joked as he put his arm over his forehead.

Ash's breathing was starting to come back to normal levels.

"More like who the hell turned up the heat." She replied laughing at the joke herself but pulled the blanket over herself but curling up next to Shepard again.

"You know I don't spoon." Shepard again joked to her as he noticed her bringing herself closer to him once more.

Ashley admittedly didn't necessarily like it either but he was still ruining a nice moment so she lifted her hand off his chest a little and smacked it back down playfully to let him know she didn't appreciate the humor.

They both lied in bed silently for several minutes. The adrenaline rushing through their bodies had slowed down, their bodies cooling down, the sweat evaporating. The clock now read 1:36AM Pacific Time, despite being light years away from Earth, they still kept the time from the home planet.

"It's the crack of dawn back home." Shepard said, referring to New York City's time of day which was a few hours ahead.

"Sorry, but it's a little late for Round 2." Ashley said, she was starting to fall asleep now and could barely keep her eyes open.

Shepard chuckled.

"Then you should have come up sooner and we could have gotten started a little earlier, Ash." He said to her then looked to his left at her. Ashley's eyes were now closed but she was still awake as she smiled at his retort. Her head was resting on his chest and arm, using him as a pillow with her one arm draped across him.

Shepard lied in bed silently again for a few minutes staring at the ceiling. Ashley had now fallen asleep. He somewhat wanted to get up and finish his studies, but that would mean disturbing her and waking her up so he decided against it. Instead figuring he should just try and go to sleep himself now. It didn't take him long to fall asleep either as he desperately needed it; the sex had taken what energy he did have left out of him.

Shepard and Ashley slept for a few hours before the nightmare again interrupted his sleep and in turn disturbed her. He had to get up and shake it off even though he didn't want to wake her. Shepard sat up and gave her a kiss. Ashley awoke from the sudden movement of her 'pillow'.

"Hey…" she said, not fully aware yet. "You OK?" she asked.

"Just having trouble sleeping I guess." Shepard replied. He knew it was a lie and so did she but he still said it.

Ashley let out a brief sigh as she pulled the blanket over her to try and cover up.

"I'm surprised you slept at all with everything going on."

"Yeah you're right. Just jitters, I guess." He said as he yawned at the same time, telling another lie.

"Just jitters he says…You amaze me." Ashley said, knowing he was trying to lie.

"What?" he asked.

Ash hid it well, not wanting to get into it right now.

"Nothing. I love you." She answered.

Shepard looked back at her.

"You being here with me…it means everything." He said to her.

Ashley tried not to blush even if she knew it was a lame cover-up.

"Shepard…" she tried to speak but Shepard interrupted her.

"Shh… I love you." He leaned towards her and gave her a kiss before getting up from the bed.

Ashley smiled back at him.

"I love you too."

Shepard went for his shirt that was lying on the floor by the fish tank. He looked backed at her and winked. He knew what she said was true. It meant everything to him. Ashley meant everything to him. Shepard meant everything to her and he knew that as well.

Shepard slipped on his pants again and as he fastened the belt back on he noticed something. The door was unlocked. He looked back at Ashley who was putting on a shirt.

"You forgot to re-lock the door. It was unlocked the whole time. Someone could have walked in on us at any moment…" Shepard said to her.

Ashley looked over at Shepard at the door and her jaw dropped slightly.

"Oops…"

Shepard smiled and let out a small chuckle.

"Well if they did they got a good show." He joked.

"When I came up, half of the ship was asleep anyway." Ash reassured him.

Shepard went into the restroom to clean himself up a bit but Ashley followed him in.

"Isn't that my shirt?" he asked her as he put toothpaste on his brush, and she indeed was wearing his shirt.

"So what if it is? You already ripped off one shirt I was wearing tonight." She retorted.

"True enough." He said before Shepard put the toothbrush in his mouth.

"So when are we heading out?" Ashley asked referring to starting the assault on Cerberus.

"Hackett was to contact me when the rest of the Alliance fleets were ready. 1100 hours at the latest he said. I want you along on this one Ash."

Ashley gave a bit of a smirk directed towards him.

"I'd be a little pissed off if I wasn't. I didn't sleep with you for no reason." She said sarcastically and winking at Shepard while she said it.

"I'm being serious here, Ash. I want someone I trust with me. Don't know what kind of things the Illusive Man might throw at us once we get there."

"Sure thing, Shepard. Been itching to get some revenge on Cerberus myself ya know…"

Shepard and Ashley finished getting ready. They took separate showers, they agreed it was time to start getting a little more serious and they suited up into their Alliance uniforms. As Shepard was rolling up his uniform sleeves, he got the call from Joker over the intercom.

"Incoming message from Admiral Hackett, Commander. It's flagged as urgent."

"I'll take it in the comm room, Joker. Patch him in through there."

"Aye, Aye Commander."

Ashley was now dressed and standing in front of the mirror straightening her hair. Shepard came over to her.

"Guess I better go…" he said coming up behind her and kissing her on the top of her head. Ashley saw him in the mirror and smiled at him through the reflection.

"Catch up in a bit, Skipper." She said to him as he was heading towards the door.

About 20 minutes had passed and Shepard had finished his briefing with Admiral Hackett. The bulk of the Alliance fleets were ready to go and would start the assault when Shepard gave the go-ahead. Shepard got in the elevator to go down to the armory to suit up, however the elevator door opened up and Ashley was inside.

"Heading down, Commander?" she asked.

"As a matter of fact…" Shepard replied.

The elevator door closed after Shepard hopped in and it began to head down again.

"The fleet is ready to being opening fire, let's go get suited up." He said as the elevator came to its destination.

The assault had begun and the firefight outside was tremendous. The light was flashing for them to board the shuttle. They finished gearing up and grabbed their weapons from the rack. EDI was already in the shuttle when Shepard grabbed Ashley by the arm to pull her back. He was standing behind crates stacked high that created a blocking view. He gave Ashley a passionate kiss on the lips.

"Good luck charm?" she asked him.

"Something like that…" he answered.

This time, they boarded the shuttle together.


	8. Chapter 8 Scorched Earth

**Chapter 8: Scorched Earth**

_(takes place on Earth after the assault to take back the human homeworld)_

It had been close to two full hours since Shepard led the remaining teams to assault the Citadel beam. Alliance Command had lost all contact with Shepard, Anderson, and the rest of the squad leaders that took part in the assault. They had to fear the worst for that's what it looked like it would be; the worst. Major Coats was now the highest ranking officer left that anyone could find. It was pure disaster. Coats was now at the makeshift Alliance Headquarters, the Reapers destroyed, the Crucible had done its job but no one was certain what exactly it had done. There were reports of small pockets of Reaper forces left that were still fighting, but no actual Reapers. "The forces we could handle…" Coats thought to himself. He wasn't used to being the one in charge for he was with Anderson almost since the beginning of the invasion after the Normandy departed, Coats' team of Marines were the ones who picked up Anderson and what Alliance forces were left. They'd come almost halfway across the world from Vancouver to London. Just then another Marine entered the debriefing room where Coats and three Lieutenant's were mingling with surprising news.

"Major Coats? Sir, the SSV Normandy has re-entered Earth's atmosphere. They're requesting permission to land here at Headquarters." He shouted in attempt to grab Coats' full attention.

Coats turned around and saw the Marine standing in the doorway.

"The Normandy…? Why? I thought they were helping to assess what kind of damage has happened to the Citadel and the fleets? Why are they here?" Coats asked the Marine, who unfortunately didn't have any answers.

Coats' interest was piqued now. Why would the Normandy come back to Earth? Nobody has even heard from Commander Shepard since the assault on the beam began. It didn't make sense to him.

"Sergeant! Relay to the Normandy that they have permission to land. Tell them I will meet them at the East Wing." Coats' ordered to the Marine and got an enthusiastic "Yes, Sir!" in response.

Major Coats' was now making his way to the East Wing of the Headquarters with a determined look on his face and equally hard paced strut. He planned to ask himself what the Normandy was doing here. They didn't need air support, at least not anymore, nor were they under any orders from him or Admiral Hackett to return to Earth. With two Marines trailing behind him on the right hand side and left hand side respectively, Coats' passed through the docking bay doors, or what was left of them and stopped suddenly when he saw who was before him.

"Lieutenant Commander Williams?" he called out.

_(begin flashback)_

It was Ashley. Coats' had forgotten she had returned back up to the Normandy after assisting the Commander with the initial Hammer strike teams. Ashley ended up rendezvousing with the Normandy after the briefing at the organizing area where Anderson and Coats were stationed before. It was decided that she lead a second team that could potentially flank the Reaper destroyer who was guarding the beam or if needed, try to create a distraction. Ashley's team never made it to their targeted area, heavy losses were sustained as the Mako tanks were obliterated and the squad essentially lost their way in as a result. It was right around this time when she decided it was best to hold position briefly when the assault on the beam began. Ashley had heard the comms chatter, the assault team didn't make it. Everyone slaughtered on an obvious suicide run. It was afterwards in which Ashley received word from Joker, with the Reapers somehow downed; communications were now back online beyond short-range capabilities.

Joker was now her link to the rest of the situation around her. What was going on? Why have the Reapers collapsed? Hundreds of questions, but not even a dozen answers. Due to the wide-spread communication loss, it was still impossible to contact everyone. What channels were back up and working were instantly flooded with so much chatter that it clogged up and one could barely understand what was being said due to everyone try to check in all at once and report their situation.

"Joker!" Ash screamed out. "We are two clicks west of where the beam was located. Radio that, two clicks west of beam location!"

"Well, that's the problem Commander. You're the first person I've been able to make contact with since communications have come back online. There's nothing, no one even knows who the hell is in charge down there."

Ashley felt her heart drop into her stomach. What Joker just said to her obviously meant that no one has heard from Shepard or Anderson. Ashley was stunned and felt a slight tear start to fall from her cheek before she quickly wiped it away. Now wasn't the time, she couldn't. She was still in charge of this squad and now had to get them out of there. Joker came over the radio again.

"Commander, I can make a run to pick you and your squad up. I've got a fix on your location, there's an area flat enough about a mile and a half to your left where I can bring in the ship."

It was a way out Ashley thought to herself. A chance to re-group.

"Roger that, Joker. Meet you at the LZ. Williams out."

The Normandy entered the landing area with remarkable swiftness. The loud roar of its engines overhead was a pleasant sound to Ashley and the Marines with her. They could finally get out of this god forsaken rubble ridden disaster that was once formally known as London. Joker greeted Ashley at the CIC elevator. The Marines in her squad scattered across the 4 other decks of the ship, most of them attempting to find the closest seat and taking it. Some of them had been in combat for days or even weeks. One of the Normandy's crewman was handing out water to the men. Joker and Ashley were walking back towards the bridge.

"Nobody's heard from Shepard or Anderson, we even lost contact with Hackett ever since the Crucible fired." Joker explained to Ashley.

Ashley was trying her best to maintain her focus. But she couldn't help it, every mention of someone not hearing from Shepard felt like another knife getting stabbed into her heart. Joker sat back down in the pilot's seat and began swinging his hands at the holo-interface, kicking the engines back up to lift off and get back into space. Ashley sat down at what was EDI's seat. Just then she held up her hand and said "Wait." Towards Joker, who stopped immediately and turned to look at her.

"I heard that some may be re-grouping at the London Alliance Headquarters. I… don't know for sure, it was hard to make out with all the other people on the same damn channel. Let's try heading there. See what's going on…"

"Your call, Commander. Diverting to Alliance HQ…or what's left of it I guess." Joker replied.

_(end flashback) _

Coats approached Ashley and held out his hand.

"It's damn good to see you Commander. About damn time someone important showed up here. It's still chaos everywhere. We're doing everything we can…"

Ashley cut him off mid-sentence.

"Have you heard from Commander Shepard or Admiral Anderson?" she asked.

Coats looked down to the floor.

"No, I'm afraid not. It didn't look good, ma'am. Damn near everyone was wiped out in a matter of bloody seconds."

Ashley turned to her left and gave Coats a very stern look. It wasn't what she wanted to hear, but she knew the odds as well. Still, it didn't stop her from lashing out.

"How can you be sure, Major? Have any recon teams been sent in to even look for survivors?" she asked him impatiently.

"No, ma'am. We've been trying to…"

Ash cut him off again. She was perturbed at Coats' direction or lack thereof right now.

"Why the hell not? There could be survivors down there. Wounded who need medical attention. Damn it, Coats." Ashley said to him. She rolled her eyes and walked away from the Major and entered the debriefing room. Ashley was the highest ranking officer now which meant the decisions were now hers to make and the first decision she made was to look for those survivors.

"How many do we have here? What are our numbers?" she asked Coats.

"Right now, our effective strength is just a few over one-hundred. That's just counting the men that have made it back here. There could be more out there, ma'am." He explained.

"Exactly my point, Major. There's others still left out there. What about transport?"

"We have four shuttles and eight tanks, ma'am. We have a fifth shuttle but it's in bad shape. I wouldn't recommend using it."

"Noted. We'll form two teams, shuttles and tanks. I'll take the shuttles and head to the location of the beam. Major, you'll be in command of the tanks. If you run across any survivors, pick them up. So we'll have to keep four to a tank so you have room to pick up survivors."

"Roger that, Commander. What about the shuttles? Still not enough room to bring everyone along…" asked Coats.

"Right. We'll keep a company sized strength here at the headquarters. We need to keep this area secure. The rest of you will board the shuttles and head directly to the beam location with me. We could run into Reaper forces at the beam and will need to move quickly." Ashley ordered. "We move out in ten."

Ashley left the room but took a detour from the shuttle landing area. She walked into a darker corner of the hallway and let out a deep sigh. She was numb with an overwhelming pain. Coats was right, it didn't look good. For all she knew, they could be heading into a death trap. But she had to go and try to find Shepard; Ashley couldn't lose him again and certainly not this soon. She thought of the moment she said goodbye to him.

"Commander, are you alright?" Coats asked, noticing her standing there as he walked by. It startled Ashley who was under the impression she was alone and somewhat well-hidden.

"Yeah… Just a lot on my mind is all." Ashley said. A lame excuse but one that did its job for Coats wasn't the curious type especially if it pertained to personal matters. Coats nodded his head and started to be on his way again.

"The tank convoy is ready to move out on your go, Commander." He said before he left the room.

Ashley was still deep in her thoughts. She wondered how she would react if they couldn't find Shepard or if they did how would she even react to seeing him, dead or alive? It was too much to think about right now. The numbness and the wrenching feeling in her stomach would not go away; she couldn't stop thinking about him.

Ashley ordered Coats and the tank convoy to get a head start and for them to move out before the shuttles that way they could have a good chance on converging at the beam location at the same time. Ash then boarded the first shuttle and soon gave the order for the shuttles to begin take-off. The whole flight back to the location of where the Citadel beam was at Ashley never sat down. Standing up allowed her to keep her focus and mind free instead of sitting down and mellowing over the situation. When the shuttles arrived at the staging area they instantly noticed the destruction around them. The fallen Reaper a few blocks away caused most of the destruction but the beam itself didn't help things either. The tank squad was late arriving at the staging area but was completely in-tact.

"Run into any trouble along the way Major?" Ashley asked as Coats exited the lead tank.

"Hardly. Some scattered husks still but nothing that slowed us down. What did slow us down were all the newly created road blocks. Damn Reapers lying everywhere blocking what's left of the roads."

"I'd rather they be roadblocks than still shooting at us." Ashley retorted.

Coats stayed outside with Ashley but the tanks fired up their engines again. They would lead the way into the actual site. It was considered best if they re-grouped just outside the site before heading into it just in case things went awry. Ashley, Coats, and the rest of the Marines followed closely behind the tanks on foot. They made their way into the beam site slowly, even with no resistance from Reaper forces, due to anytime they ran across a body they tried to identify them and if they were Alliance, stopped to collect their dog tags. It was discouraging to come across each body for it was a fallen comrade but also large disappointment that none of them were Shepard or Anderson.

As they arrived into the actual site of where the beam was located, they could see first-hand the amount of destruction that had been caused. Whole buildings had been brought down, tanks flipped upside down and destroyed, dead husks lying in the hundreds all around the surrounding area. The area had been originally illuminated by the brightness of the beam but it was now gone and the area was filled with darkness. The tanks' headlights weren't providing sufficient light, or at least enough to perform a search and rescue operation.

"Nobody can see a damn thing here." Ashley remarked as she lifted her right hand to her earpiece. "Joker… do you read me?"

"Loud and clear, Commander. Go ahead." Joker responded.

"Can you bring in the Normandy to the beam site? We could use a little light here. The Normandy's searchlight should give us enough light to operate down here."

"Aye, Aye Commander. I'll see what I can do." responded Joker.

After a few minutes the Normandy arrived at the site, it's loud engines roaring overhead as it hovered over the area. The searchlight then came on from underneath the ship and immediately brightened the whole area within almost a mile's span. The Marines from the shuttles had already begun their search operations. The tank convoy was attempting to form a perimeter around the site with the tanks.

About an hour had passed by now since they first made it into the beam site as Ashley bent down to an Alliance Marine's body that lined up against a wall. His chest armor was completely punched through in three separate places, the first of which killed him instantly. Ashley reached under his chest plate from the neck and grabbed the dog tags.

"Boyle, James A. Alliance Marines, 42nd Regiment, 7th Battalion, Company B." Ashley read the tag aloud to herself. She put the two tags in her pocket and stood back up and moved on. As she walked away from the dead Marine's body, she heard shouting from several other Marines who were standing on top of a very immense pile of concrete and steel rubble from a building collapse.

"HEY! We got something here!" she heard one of them yell.

Ashley came over to the pile as fast she could, having to climb several smaller piles of concrete rubble herself and watching her step as not to trip on anything lying on the unstable ground. She wasn't sure if she were even on the ground, or just running across more rubble. When Ashley arrived where the Marines were located she tried to catch her breath and talk at the same time.

"What've we got here, Corporal?" she asked.

"Nobody can tell for sure, ma'am. We think we got somebody down there buried beneath all this rubble. One of us heard a noise…like a 'cling' sound or something. I…I think someone is making that sound."

"As a signal to let us know that they're down there, you mean?" she asked the nervous corporal.

"Yes, ma'am."

Ashley lay down on her stomach in order to try and get a better look at the depths of the rubble below her. She could hear the 'clinging' sound herself now; someone was definitely making the sound on purpose. Ashley used her omni-tool to shine more light down into the pits of the rubble.

"Can you hear me? Is anyone down there?" she yelled down into the depths.

Ashley waited but got no response and yelled again.

"Is anybody down here? Can you hear me?" Ashley yelled one more time. Everyone was completely silent; the only noise around them was the roaring of the Normandy's engines above. Still, they heard nothing in response. The clinging sound had now stopped.

"Damn it we gotta start removing some of this rubble. If someone's down there, they're getting crushed from all of the weight on top of 'em." Ashley said.

Each person was now helping remove rubble from the pile. Two tanks were brought in to help drag the heavier slabs of concrete off, hooking steel wire cables that were mounted on the tanks onto the broken slabs and pulling them off as the tank reversed. Others were formed in bucket brigade type lines, passing down pieces of rubble to one another. The process to remove just a portion of the rubble took half an hour. As the men took away another piece of the rubble, this time it was Ashley who first heard the 'cling' sound resume.

"We hear you!" She shouted down into the hole once again.

Since more of the rubble had been cleared away, it allowed the sound to travel farther with much more ambience. It was louder than before and a signal to everyone to keep at it for they were getting closer. Ashley ordered the men to stop for a moment; she needed it to be as quiet as possible again. She yelled down again.

"If you can hear me, make that sound three times in a row."

This time, she got a response. Three clings in a row.

Some of the men broke the silence and were excited over the discovery that they had found a survivor.

"We're comin' for ya, brother! Just hang on!" One of the Sergeants yelled down, offering encouragement to the trapped person. At this time, no one even knew if they were rescuing a human or not but it didn't matter. They were going to get him out. After a few minutes passed and more rubble had been removed, they heard a groan. One from someone in obvious pain. More time had passed and they were about to begin to pull the trapped man out. A Marine ran up carrying a Stokes' basket, for this man surely wouldn't be able to walk out. Ashley stayed back as several Marines were in the process of pulling him out. She could hear more groaning coming from him. Just then Ashley heard the words she dreaded to hear as one Marine shouted frantically at who they had just found.

"Holy shit, it's the Commander!"

The Marines carried the basket holding him out together and as they came back up Ashley ran up to the basket and saw him. It was Shepard.

"Shepard…can you hear me?" she asked nervously as she ran alongside. "Stay with me, damnit."

Shepard couldn't talk. He was too weak and in far too much pain. His armor had been almost completely burned and ripped off. His legs were numb after being crushed under the immense weight of the rubble for hours. Shepard coughed repeatedly, but he was able to partially open his eyes. He was able to see Ashley beside him and wrapped his right hand around her hand that was gripping the basket.

Ash looked down at him and smiled. She tried to fight back the tears that swelled up in her eyes but couldn't stop them this time.

"You're gonna be OK." Ashley reassured him, rubbing her free thumb over his hand as the Normandy descended and opened the cargo bay hatch. The Normandy's med-bay was the only medical facility they could use for now. Using the elevator and upon arriving on the crew deck, Dr. Chakwas was waiting for them. Hurrying into the med-bay, the Marines then lifted Shepard up from the basket, placed him down on the bed and exited the room when Ashley came in. As Dr. Chakwas gathered supplies from the drawer, Ashley pulled over a chair and sat down beside Shepard, picking up his left hand and holding it in both of hers. Ashley whispered to him…

"I told you I wasn't going to lose you again."


	9. Chapter 9 A Good Day to Run

**Chapter 9: A Good Day to Run **

_(takes place on Earth, exactly four months after Shepard's rescue) _

Earth was still a mess, but getting better. Power in most cities had been restored three months ago. Debris from destroyed buildings, ships, and Reapers among other things were still being cleaned up but significant progress was made and still being made each day. Large shelters were set up across the planet for displaced refugees and/or civilian survivors. The Alliance was coordinating political and law enforcement efforts on Earth to help restore order where needed. The bulk of the Alliance fleet remained in orbit around Earth and the Citadel, led by Admiral Hackett. Alliance brass as well as scientists, engineers and politicians from other races were unsure of how to move the Citadel back to the original Council space through the mass relays, since the station was not a ship itself. The other races didn't like the fact that it was now so close to the human home world, but there was nothing they could do about it so they kept quiet on the issue as much as they could.

The Citadel was intact but damaged. The lower Wards suffered minimal damage but the Presidium, much like it had three years prior, took the bulk of the damage that was caused as all of the dark energy was emitted through there. The majority of the Citadel's population however, survived. No one could factually determine how, but it wasn't important enough to waste the effort to figure out. The Crucible itself, which took an enormous effort to build, was completely destroyed.

Other races had returned to their home worlds to begin their own re-constructing efforts. Some had more to return to unlike Earth or in other cases such as Thessia or Palaven, they had less than the humans. The Krogan, namely Urdnot Wrex, vowed to help the efforts to restore Palaven in exchange for other planets that the Krogan could now assume control of to help their breeding efforts. Even with the genophage cured, the Krogan numbers still continued to dwindle during the course of the war in their efforts to assist the Turians, sustaining large casualties as the frontline troops against Reaper forces. The Salarians remained on Sur'Kesh which was largely untouched by the Reapers, however with the Citadel now in the Sol System and the genophage now cured, they began to take a more isolationist approach towards the other races and were largely silent in terms of political affairs. The Quarians and Geth were spread thin, assisting in restoring power and other technical matters on multiple worlds. It was thanks to the Geth that Earth's power was restored to full functionality so quickly after suffering the bulk of the invasion from the Reapers.

Commander(s) Shepard and Williams were stationed on Earth in Toronto, the city that was most closely operating back to its pre-invasion level. Shepard had been under intense medical treatment for the first two weeks following his recovery and now was taking part in rigorous daily physical therapy and training to restore full functionality to his muscles. Ashley stayed close to Shepard as much as possible, often attending his physical therapy sessions alongside him. Admiral Anderson was killed in action and his funeral was to take place within the upcoming days after the recovery of his bodies' remains a week ago. The funeral was to be attended by thousands and held in his hometown of London. The Normandy's crew was largely still in-tact. Joker was still the pilot of the ship, though it was largely grounded except for priorities between the Citadel and Earth due to both its Commander and XO being inactive. Garrus traveled frequently between Palaven and Earth/the Citadel as he was now an operative working for Primarch Victus. Lt. Vega was now an officially recognized N7 agent and was working on special assignments around Earth. Tali returned to Rannoch, the Quarian home world to help the efforts of building up their home again after the end of the war with the Geth. Liara stayed aboard the Normandy for the most part but often visiting the Citadel as she continued her duties as the Shadow Broker even if they had grown to become even more stressful as a result of the fallout from the Reaper war. Nobody had heard from or even anything about the Prothean, Javik. Most presumed he was killed in action during the fight, others speculated that he had taken his own life after seeing the war through. Dr. Chakwas was now back on the Citadel providing medical support there and Engineer Adams, along with Specialist Traynor, continued to assume their posts on the Normandy as well assisting in other areas where needed by the Alliance.

It was 7:30AM in the morning and the sun peered through the creaks in the window. Shepard had woken up a few minutes earlier than his usual time. He stood at the window and opened the blinds to let the sun fully into the room. He stood at the window and gazed outside, taking a calming breath through his nose with his mouth closed. As Shepard continued to look outside, Ashley walked in the room holding a warm cup of coffee.

"You're up early." She remarked. "What's up?"

"Nothing. Just enjoying the view." Shepard replied with sarcasm. The view outside of the window was rather dull; there wasn't much to the outside but dull buildings that blocked the actual view.

Officially, Ashley and Shepard had separate living quarters in the complex where they lived but they didn't 'separate' from each other once. Usually Ash stayed with Shepard and other times it was vice-versa. It was still one of the best kept secrets in the galaxy.

"Admiral Hackett has requested our presence for a hearing at Headquarters at 1200 hours by the way, so get your ass moving." Ashley said.

Shepard was confused; he turned to Ashley with his right eye-brow raised.

"Our?" he asked.

"Yep, he requested that I be there for this meeting. Wouldn't tell me why specifically." Ashley answered, almost non-caringly as she continued to sip from her coffee.

Shepard replied with a grumbled "Huh…" and changed the subject.

"It's a nice day. I think the last couple of sessions have gone well, thinking about going out for a run. You in?" he asked Ashley, who was caught a bit off guard with the question.

"You sure? You really shouldn't push it, ya know…"

"Yeah, I feel alright. Let's go…" Shepard said as he reached down for his exercise shoes.

"I'm game." Ashley replied; setting down the coffee and going for own exercise wear.

Shepard wore a winter cap over his head and pair of sweats with Alliance colors on them. Ashley donned a pair of ear muffs and the same pair of sweats as Shepard. They walked out of the complex and looked around. The city was already busy even this early in the morning. The roadways in the area were fairly quiet and clean for Alliance property. After stretching out, which was a little more difficult for Shepard then it was for Ashley, they started on their way. Keeping a decent pace between the two of them as they ran side by side, but the cooler air made the breathing harder. After almost two miles, they stopped to catch their breath. Shepard was breathing heavier than her but was looking at the tree line that surrounded him.

"You ok, Skipper?" Ashley asked, concerned for his well-being.

Shepard paused before answering her.

"…yeah. I'm good. Just seems…different. I don't know."

"Why? Because we're running but nobody is trying to shoot at us?" Ashley chuckled and replied.

Shepard smiled.

"Well, that too. But it's over, Ash. This…I mean I couldn't picture myself doing _this_ months ago. Right now…I don't have a care in the world. Except for you."

"Yeah… We've come a long way, haven't we? You and me." replied Ashley as wrapped her arm around his and rest her head on his shoulder as they now walked on back.

"Feels so weird to be back on Earth." Shepard remarked.

"You were here for six months before… you know." Ashley said.

"Doesn't count. I was basically jailed for those six months. Couldn't even go outside without a watchdog."

"Still can't." Ashley joked, remarking that she was with him by tugging at his sleeve.

Shepard laughed. "I guess not."

As Shepard and Ashley approached the complex again they separated from each other. It was almost a natural reaction for the two of them now. When out in public where they could be seen, remain separate. After arriving back "home", they went into their respective quarters to get cleaned up in preparation for the hearing with the Admirals. Shepard shaved and was dressed in his best Alliance dress blue uniform. Ashley had her hair down but was brushed and done neatly while also dressed in her best uniform. Shepard was snapping his medals onto the left of his chest when Ashley walked in, all ready to go.

"I can never get these damn pins on right…" Shepard remarked as he saw her enter the room. He was standing in front of the mirror attempting to place them on correctly but was having trouble doing so, as his wrists still ached. Ashley came over and stood in front of the mirror with him.

"I've always thought you looked your best in uniform, Skipper. Need a little help?" She said.

Ash brushed his hands away from the medals and she put the remaining ones on for him. After finishing with the medals, she turned fully towards him and tugged on his coat to straighten it out more.

"Ready, now?" she asked Shepard.

"Good to go."

"Then let's get it done." Ash said as they left the room and headed for the floor elevator.

They took a cab to Alliance Headquarters and upon their arrival were greeted by two men in uniform. Their uniforms weren't like ones they've seen before, they were all-black.

"Commander Shepard, Commander Williams. Please follow us." one of the dark-dressed men ordered approaching them as they exited the cab.

"Quite the welcoming party…" remarked Ashley but the two men remained silent as they led the two of them inside. As they entered the facility, Shepard and Ashley gazed at the size of the lobby they just walked into. It was enormous. There was Alliance personnel all over the lobby. Finally, one of the dark-dressed men spoke up.

"We were asked by Admiral Hackett to escort you two into the facility. The matter is…delicate. Go here and the Admiral will speak with you then." He said as he flashed his omni-tool, synching the room and floor number for Hackett to Shepard's omni-tool.

As they walked through the lobby, some stopped to acknowledge both Shepard and Ashley. Some stood and saluted while others gave a nod when making eye contact. When they entered the empty elevator, Shepard spoke up.

"Suddenly, we seem important again. I wonder why…"

"Ugh… I got a bad feeling about this one, Rob." Ashley replied.

Upon arriving at the designated floor, they were greeted by Admiral Hackett himself.

"Sergeant Hawkins informed me you two were on your way up." He said.

"You mean the person dressed in black?" asked Ashley.

"If you're referring to your escorts, then yes. Sergeants Hawkins and Caron are my security detail. I trust them." Hackett confirmed.

"What brings us here, Admiral?" Shepard asked.

Hackett stared outside through his window, the view showed downtown Toronto and all of its immense skyscrapers that still stood.

"The Admirals want to continue the trial hearings concerning you, Shepard. If you remember, it was never fully finished due to the invasion." explained Hackett.

Ashley was perplexed. She sat in during a few of the hearings but they made her sick seeing as hearing the Admirals attempting to rip into Shepard, despite all that he had done for them.

"You've got to be kidding me, Admiral. This is a joke. There wouldn't even be another hearing if it weren't for Shepard because we'd all be..." Ashley began to rant before Hackett cut her off.

"Watch your tone, Commander Williams. Remember who you're talking to. I'm on Shepard's side and have been from the beginning. Yelling at me won't do him or you any good." Hackett said.

"Me?" asked Ashley.

Hackett didn't say anything, only letting out a deep, irritated sigh as he sat down at his desk.

"What is this really about, Admiral?" Shepard asked again, now realizing that there was more to this than Hackett was letting on.

"Think about it, Shepard. Why else would I call the both of you here? I think you both know what I'm getting at." Hackett attempted to explain.

Ashley felt her stomach drop.

"I'm… not sure I follow, Admiral." She said as Shepard looked on curiously himself.

Hackett stood up again and came to the front of his desk.

"The both of you have broken so many Alliance regulations; I don't know where to even begin. Now that the other Admirals have caught wind of it, there's nothing I can no longer do about it. I only have so much pull. The Admirals want to resume the hearings after Anderson's funeral only now you're involved Commander Williams." Hackett explained further.

"Shit…" Ashley muttered under her breath.

The secret was now officially out and no longer was such.

"Wait a minute…you knew, Admiral? For how long exactly?" asked Shepard.

Hackett looked up at Shepard sternly.

"Quite some time, Commander. I let it slide because we obviously had bigger concerns that we had to deal with. Now that the Alliance is fully back into place, they're up to their usual business again, they know about your…relationship."

"But…how?" asked Ashley who was now even more perplexed at how anyone knew about her and Shepard.

"I'm not in a position to say." Hackett said, essentially a cop-out.

Shepard was largely silent. All he could think to himself was the feeling of being stabbed in the back once again. The balls that these Admirals had on them. They dared to question him after everything he had done?

"You seem awfully quiet, Shepard." remarked Hackett.

Shepard weaved his hand through his hair.

"I don't have anything to say, Admiral. If the other Admirals want to question Ashley or me than they're more than welcome to." he said. "I know what I've done."

Hackett tightened his lip and crossed his arms.

"Very well then, Shepard…Williams, do you have anything to say to me?"

Ashley just stared at the floor as she had been for a few minutes.

"No, sir…"

"For what it's worth, I don't have a problem with it. The past few years haven't been a time to strictly enforce regulations. You two obviously share something and that's why you feel this way towards each other. You two have seen more war than anybody ever should have to see. Whether the other Admirals see it as I do, I can't say for certain." Hackett said.

Hackett's words meant a lot to both Shepard and Ashley, but they didn't do much to help.

"Unless either one of you have anything else for me, you're dismissed." Hackett said, standing up straight.

Both Shepard and Ashley saluted the Admiral and left the room. Before hitting the elevator they stopped and Ash turned towards Shepard.

"What the hell are we going to do now?" asked Ashley.

"I don't know, Ash. I can't possibly think what else they could do to us at this point. Just have to face the flames." Shepard replied as he grabbed her hands by the fingers and held them.

"Can't say we didn't know the risks, I guess." Ashley answered back, trying not to laugh.

"True enough…" Shepard said, himself trying not to smile too much at the thought.

Ashley leaned up and gave Shepard a quick kiss on his left cheek.

"I don't know about you, but I'm starving." Ashley spoke up as they entered the elevator.

"We can do something about that…" Shepard said as he looked at her.

Business wasn't exactly back up to speed still on Earth so the options were limited. Shepard hit the elevator's holo-interface and selected for it to stop on the 35th floor, the cafeteria and lounge. Ashley watched Shepard as he did this and reacted when she saw what he was doing.

"Cafeteria food isn't exactly what I had in mind, but it'll do." Ashley said, this time unable to contain the small bit of laughter.

"Look at it this way, Ash. It'll be a damn gourmet compared to the shit on the Normandy." Shepard said smiling as they exited the elevator upon arriving at the cafeteria floor, which was about as busy as the lobby itself.

As they both went through the line, they caught some surprised looks from a few of the other Alliance personnel around them. Seeing two ranking Commanders in uniform pass by wasn't a normal sight. Shepard picked a booth in the corner and sat down on one side and Ashley sat down at the other side.

"Yeah, let's not make anything more suspicious. The two of us sitting in a corner?" Ashley said to Shepard as she sat down and began to un-wrap the silverware from the napkin.

"Apparently everyone already knows so who gives a damn." Shepard retorted as he was trying his damndest to open the ranch container. Finally giving up, he handed it to Ashley without saying anything else.

Ashley began to laugh again. She found it somewhat humorous that he was so weak.

"You're worse than my grandmother ever was and she lived into her hundreds." She said as she took the container from him and opened it with ease and handed it back to him.

"Hellcat…" muttered Shepard.

"You'd be lost without me and… obviously starving." Ashley said, smiling.

As they were eating their respective meals, the question finally got brought up.

"So…how do you suppose they did find out? It's not like it was common knowledge." Shepard said.

"Who the hell knows? Does it really matter at this point? I think Hackett made it pretty clear about where things stood. Just have to prepare for whatever shitstorm they decide to throw at us this time." Ashley replied.

"Us? I never even saw you during my hearings!" Shepard exclaimed.

"You think everything was all happy-go-lucky for those two years you were…gone?" Ash shot back. "Hackett and Anderson were all over my ass too, ya know. Their prize ship and its Commander both gone – there was hell to pay and it turns out I was the one in debt."

Shepard felt a sense of shame. He forgot all about that. Ash had told him about her own dealings with the Admirals after the SR-1 was destroyed. It was flat-out wrong and frankly disgusted Shepard the way they treated her afterwards.

"Yeah…sorry I forgot about that."

"Damn right you're sorry." Ashley snapped back as Shepard looked up from his plate and saw who was approaching. It was Joker, a familiar face. The Normandy was docked in Toronto and the crew was on shore leave. Being the one in charge of the ship now due to Shepard and Ashley's extended absence, he was the one required to check in with Headquarters after docking.

"I'm not interrupting anything important am I?" asked Joker as he limped over to their table, pulling over a chair to sit at the end of the table.

"As a matter of fact, yes." said Shepard as he took a quick look at Ashley who rolled her eyes.

"Huh…well good. 'Cause this is important. Got a question for you guys."

"Shoot." Shepard replied.

"Do you have any plans to return to the Normandy or are you two just gonna continue to mope around while the Alliance has me on a leash?"

"Damn. That was the whole reason we haven't come back yet." Ashley said, finally speaking up but looking at Shepard the whole time.

Joker wasn't amused as he was actually looking for a somewhat serious answer to his question.

"Yeah…very funny."

"Honestly, I don't know Joker. They're still making me haul my ass to physical therapy every day and progress isn't exactly coming very fast. It's a process I guess." Shepard answered.

"By _they_, he means me." Ashley shot up. Shepard looked at her and smiled for he knew it was exactly that. If it weren't for Ash, he probably wouldn't go at all.

"Huh…so what's this I hear about you two…?" Joker began to go off.

"Stop it right there. Nothing else comes out of your mouth, Joker." Ashley said harshly, holding her hand up to Joker.

Shepard laughed.

"I figured you of all people would already know, Joker. Those _interruptions_ back on the SR-1 weren't _entirely_ coincidental, were they?" he asked.

"Well…not entirely. I mean…ah shit. No they weren't. But I wasn't the one that told everyone! I believe your exact words Commander were: 'A couple of broken bones will be the least of your problems.' You hardass." Joker replied.

"When the hell was this? Am I missing something here?" Ashley asked, suddenly interested.

Joker turned to look at the newly interested Ashley.

"Yeah… turns out you missed more than taking down Collectors during our Cerberus…stint." Joker caught himself in time when he noticed Shepard was giving him a dirty look.

"Alright, my interest has been piqued. What else did I miss?" Ashley asked, holding her head up with her hand now as she continued to look Shepard.

"Nothing." answered Shepard, effectively dodging the question for now.

Ashley then looked back to Joker who was nervous about being put on the spot.

"Yeah, what he said." Joker said to Ashley, tilting his head to the left towards Shepard.

"Good. Physical therapy sessions would have been the least of your problems otherwise, Shepard."

Shepard picked up his drink and before taking a sip he looked back at Joker.

"I'm in the doghouse now, thanks a lot Joker."

"You know I'm actually starting to like this whole 'inactive status' thing." Joker said as he stood back up. "Now if you'll pardon me I'm on shore leave…again."

"Catch you later, Joker." Shepard said.

"Likewise." followed Ashley.

After Joker left, Ashley leaned in closer to Shepard and whispered.

"Exactly how long has he known?" she asked him.

"Uhh…three years?" Shepard tried to answer. "Look Ash, at this point does it really matter? The reason we've been able to keep _this_ going is because it's real. It wasn't just a one-night fling. If the Admirals have a problem with it, then they can kiss my ass."

"No…it wasn't. I just hope it doesn't end up costing me my entire career either." Ashley said.

Shepard smiled back at her. He knew how much her Alliance career meant to her, especially now after becoming an officer and reaching the same rank as himself. Given her family history, she'd come a long way and he knew how proud that made her. How proud that made him.

"Well, with any luck the rest of the Admirals and the new ones don't have their heads so far up their own ass this time that they can actually see reality when it's staring them right in the face." Shepard said, trying to reassure Ashley. He knew she felt the same way about him as he did her, but she also didn't want to just throw away her military career just because she fell in love.

Several of the Admirals survived when the Reapers first hit Earth, such as Rear Admiral Mikhailovich, while others weren't as fortunate like those who were stationed on Arcturus Station. The ones who didn't make it were replaced by recently promoted high ranking officers of their respective Alliance branches. The Alliance politically was a mess due to the destruction of Arcturus Station and the base in Vancouver as well as in London. Toronto originally was to be a temporary home for the Alliance but over the past two months it grew increasingly clear that it would be best to operate out of the most fully-functioning city that there currently was.

"C'mon finish up. You still have therapy in an hour." Ashley reminded him.

"I was hoping to get out of that today." Shepard replied.

"I was going to let you too, but you couldn't even open a damn ranch bottle so it's right back to it, Skipper."

"I'm starting to have a new disdain for someone who isn't even a politician or doctor." He said.

"You can hate me all you want but you're still going." Ashley said snickering; making note of the authority she had over him on this issue.

"But _Mom_…" Shepard said jokingly.

Ashley laughed at Shepard's sudden turn at humor, which he had picked up from her over time.

"Keep whining and it's also an early bed time for you." She retorted.

"I might be able to deal with that." Shepard flirted and winked back at Ashley.

Shepard and Ashley finished up and left Headquarters to return to their living quarters at the complex in order to change out of uniform for his session. With his uniform off and hanging in the closet, Shepard sat on the recliner in the corner in his athletic wear before putting his shoes on. He knew Ashley would eventually haul him out of there herself but he still tried to delay as long as possible. He hated these sessions because the progress seemingly wasn't coming as fast as he would like it too. Still weak and stiff in the upper body, it was now far past an annoyance. Ashley walked into the room and saw Shepard sitting in the corner, still not ready to leave.

"Damn it, Shepard come on!" she said to him as she rolled her eyes.

"I'm going, I'm going."

Ashley sat down on the bed next to the recliner.

"Why do you hate this so much? Honestly, tell me what's going on with you…" she begged for answer.

"I don't know…it just sucks. Been going at this for almost three months now and I can barely move my arms."

"Progress has been a little slow but you just have to fight through it. Believe me, I hated it too. I know what it's like but it's also the only way you're going to get any better." Ashley said, making a reference to her time spent at Huerta after the Mars mission.

"Is that what you told yourself?" Shepard asked.

"No. It's what you told me. May not have been a battle, but it still required me to fight and I just stuck to it." answered Ashley.

"Yeah…I guess so." Shepard replied non-convincingly. "It's easier to tell someone to keep fighting than it is for you to actually do it yourself though."

"It is." Ashley replied. "I should know considering I sat on the sidelines while you were out taking down Collectors."

"Never going to forgive yourself for that are you? Frankly, I don't blame you. You said it yourself Ash, you're an Alliance soldier. Look at how much you accomplished while I was gone…" Shepard tried to tell her.

"And how much I could lose now that you're back?" Ashley replied sarcastically.

"Hey, that's a two-way street Ash." Shepard affirmed. Their relationship after all was mutual from the beginning and the impending hearing also spelt trouble for the both of them career-wise because of it.

"Maybe…now put your damn shoes on or I'll drag you out myself and that'd be pretty damn embarrassing." Ashley got up and patted Shepard on the knee in order to encourage him to get moving and he did.

The cab ride to the hospital was short because it was designed that way. Shepard and Ashley stayed at the complex because it was close to the hospital which sponsored them to stay there as they believed it would be beneficial to Shepard's health to be close to the hospital at all times. After exiting the cab with help from Ashley offering a hand to pull him up, Shepard stared at the front entrance.

"Same shit, different day." he said.

"Figured you'd be used to it by now…" Ashley replied.

"Well, that's the problem… I am."

"And just imagine if I wasn't here with you." pondered Ashley.

Shepard smirked.

"If you weren't here with me, then I wouldn't be here in the first place." He remarked.

"You know you love it." She said smiling back at him.

"Problem number two." Shepard muttered as they began to walk in.

When they walked into the hospital together it was everything a routine would be. Checking in at the front desk, taking yet another elevator to get to the correct floor, then checking in once again at the next desk.

"Good to see you again, Commander Shepard." the trainer, Rachel, greeted him as she opened the door for him. "Commander Williams, I assume you'll be joining us again?"

"Yes, ma'am." Ashley answered as he walked in through the door right behind Shepard. They took sat down on the chairs aligned against the wall next to the trainer's desk.

"How have you felt since yesterday?" Rachel asked, sliding over to him in her chair and grabbing Shepard's right arm to examine it.

"No different. Still feeling stiffness in the shoulders and my wrists are killing me." Shepard explained.

"He went on a run this morning." Ashley piped up and that caught Rachel's attention.

"Is that right? That's excellent."

"He…tends to leave out the good news." Ashley said referencing Shepard's 'woe is me' attitude towards the rehab.

"That's because there isn't very much 'good news' to tell, Ash." Shepard shot back at her, placing extra emphasis on her name.

"Moving on…" Rachel spoke up as she slid the chair over back to her desk.

The session was now well underway and they had been working out for over 30 minutes. The trainer had Shepard performing stretches, muscle building exercises, and other various stress tests. Shepard was pouring in sweat because he had been moving non-stop, one workout after another. The implants in his body made it so that he had to work a little harder during the stress tests than any an average human would have to. Shepard's body was vastly different from anyone else's because of the reconstruction and on some tests; he had to work almost double as hard as the average human would have to in order for him to really push his body. Ashley hung around close by and spectated the whole workout. In a way, she didn't like seeing him this way because it just reiterated the fact that Shepard wasn't like any other human being now; he was built differently and his body and mind reacted as such. On the other hand, Ashley enjoyed watching in amazement at what Shepard was capable of putting his body through. She had seen first-hand of what he accomplished in combat. Being a biotic, Shepard was already capable of performing the unthinkable during intense moments. However, his fitness and endurance were very-much alien like.

After an hour and a half, Shepard was finished. He grabbed a towel along with a bottle of water and headed for the exit where Ashley was waiting for him. He wiped the sweat off of his head with the towel and threw it over his shoulder, opening the water bottle; he smiled as he approached Ashley and they began to walk out.

"See? That wasn't so bad was it?" Ashley joked with him as Shepard took a large sip of the water.

"Yeah, terrific. What do you say we do it again tomorrow?" Shepard replied sarcastically. He tried to put his arm around her but Ashley pulled away quickly.

"No way, Skipper. Sorry but that's not happening. Not until you clean up at least." Ashley warned.

"So you're saying there's a chance for later?" Shepard asked but it was more hinting than a question.

"Who the hell said anything about that?" Ashley answered.

"What? I figured I'd at least have earned _something_ today." Shepard said trying to convince her.

Ashley began to laugh.

"God, you're awful. You couldn't come up with anything other than that?" she asked but knowing otherwise that he didn't. "It's almost as if you don't even try."

"No. But why should I? If I got you with lines like that…why fix what's not broken?" replied Shepard as he winked at her.

"Now hang on a minute. Your 'lines' weren't what made me like you, much less love you. In fact, they almost ruined it. What did make me was that fine ass of yours, because it sure as hell wasn't your charm factor." Ashley answered.

"My feelings are hurt now, Ash. I'm going to have to think about this; reconsider what we have."

"Well, to be honest I don't see how much farther your tail can possibly go between your legs…" Ashley shot back.

Shepard figured that words weren't going to do it this time. He truly couldn't think of anything else to say because he was the very definition of a hopeless romantic. Shepard knew his lines weren't any good and that they never have been. Shepard reached and grabbed an un-suspecting Ashley, who had let her guard down, and gave her a bear hug. Ashley resisted but couldn't break his grasp.

"You are beyond gross." Ashley blurted out after Shepard let her go, unleashing his grasp.

"Maybe…but I did get my hug." Shepard said, acknowledging his accomplishment.

"Ever the romantic, aren't you?" she asked.

"You know me."

Shepard and Ashley took the short cab ride home together. As they walked into the complex, Shepard stopped to toss the bottle into the garbage bin and Ashley walked on ahead of him. Shepard jogged slightly to catch back up to her before she reached the elevator.

"Heading up, Ash?"

"Yeah, I feel like I need another shower now thanks to you." Ashley answered him jokingly.

"You know, I think I heard someone say the water wasn't working properly on your floor…" Shepard said, dropping yet another hint and Ashley began to chuckle again.

"You just don't give up, do you? It's just one after another." She said to him.

"Alright, I'll ask you in a more formal way…Care to join me in my quarters, Lieutenant Commander Williams?" Shepard asked as he held out his hand for her almost as if he were asking her to a dance.

Ashley initially resisted but eventually gave in and slowly took his hand without uttering a single word. She smiled back at him and followed Shepard into the elevator. This time, Shepard's attempt at being more of a charming romantic seemed more sincere to her than any other previous attempts of his.

When they stepped through the door to Shepard's quarters after arriving on the correct floor, the intimacy between them began almost immediately. Shepard dropped the towel on the carpeted floor and turned back around towards Ashley. She reached for the end of his shirt and began to lift it up, but Shepard interrupted halfway through and threw his shirt off himself. Ashley stood in front of him in a slight state of shock. She ran her hands down his chest, acknowledging the scars and burn marks that were still present, tracing over them with her fingers. Shepard grabbed her right wrist and brought her hand up to his lips and kissed those same exact fingers.

"I guess… I never realized how bad it was…." Ashley admitted. Seeing what his body had gone through threw her off a little bit. It was the first she'd seen of him this way. It wasn't anything like the previous scarring from his 'rebuild' that she'd seen. These were different; they signified actual pain that occurred; pain that he really endured.

Shepard sighed; after all it was slightly depressing. He couldn't help but feel that his life had been one step forward, two steps back for the past three and a half years and his body now resembled as such.

"I don't spend a whole lot of time looking in mirrors." He joked and Ashley smiled in response.

"You've got more scars and healing wounds than an old Krogan by now." Ashley remarked in a softer tone.

"I think Wrex would have something to say about that." Shepard replied, chuckling.

They gazed into each other's eyes for a brief moment. Time still seemed as if it were going too fast and that they could not catch up on all that they had missed. Shepard let his grasp of her go and went into the bathroom by himself, heading for the shower figuring he should clean up first before getting too involved. Ashley twiddled her hair and looked at herself in the mirror. She hadn't come out of this war unscathed herself, picking up a few nicks that still showed, one in particular on her neck that was covered by her hair being down. Ashley then heard the water start in the shower and with anticipation already killing her, she couldn't wait any longer. Laying her clothes on the recliner neatly, she opened the bathroom door. There was already a dense steam fog inside the room, "Good lord, he has the temperature high enough to be burned." she thought to herself. Ashley opened the shower door and entered, unbeknownst to Shepard who had his eyes closed, basking in the hot water. When Shepard opened his eyes, he was startled at first by the sight of Ashley standing in front of him.

"Couldn't wait?" he asked as he brushed her wet hair away from her face.

"You know I'm not a very patient person." Ashley replied.

They spent the next moments together in the shower, where time just seemed to stop and did not matter nor did anything outside of that room.


	10. Chapter 10 For He Watches Over Me

_Note: You may notice I decided to take a bit of a different turn with some ideas roughly based on other elements. I thought it'd add an excellent plot line for this story, if I could pull it off right in terms of not disrupting the flow of the rest of the story. After close to a half-dozen revisions I think I may have done so. Of course, any comments (compliments and/or criticisms) are welcome in reviews. Definitely let me know what you think. Sorry, this took so long. I'm not ignoring you, and just posting up a new chapter whenever I feel like it so I thought I'd leave a note on this one to let you know as such. I actually started Ch. 11 already and I like the direction it's going so far as well. The kind reviews I've gotten so far have kept me going, I didn't think I would ever take it this far, but it's fun, especially when the people reading it seem to enjoy it too. :)  
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**Chapter 10: For He Watches Over Me**

_(One week after the events of Chapter 9, takes place in London for Anderson's funeral)_

It was the largest church just outside of London, yet it was still filled to capacity. Men and women from all over the galaxy had come to pay their respects to Anderson. From the Alliance, to the Council and other diplomats, to just friends and close ones.

Shepard stood alone in the back of the church behind the vast rows of pews, fully dressed in his finest uniform, with his hands behind his back. To him it seemed surreal. The last thing he was able to remember before waking up buried in a pile of rubble was the shuttle ride over to the beam with Anderson. How did he survive but Anderson did not? Shepard didn't have any answers to his question and knew no one else would, but he still couldn't help but think about it; especially now.

Ashley was in the center aisle talking with some man that Shepard had never seen before. "They seem to know each other pretty well…" Shepard thought to himself. The conversation between them finally broke off and they shared a small hug before parting separate ways. As Ashley walked back up towards Shepard he curiously asked her.

"Who was that?"

"Oh, just an old family friend. He and my father knew each other pretty well. I'm surprised he even recognized me to be honest. It's been years." She explained.

"How long?" Shepard questioned.

"Last time I saw him I was still in high school." Ash put it simply.

"That's a long time. Anything new?" he continued to ask, looking to his right at her.

"No, not really. Just saying hello, I guess." She answered but did wonder herself. "What about you? You doing alright…?"

"I'm about as good as I'll get. It _is_ a funeral after all." Shepard replied starkly.

"Yeah…I suppose you're right. Funerals have never exactly inspired a good mood." Ashley said. "Have you gone up yet?" she asked, referring to Anderson's open casket that was up on the stage where others were currently saying their final goodbyes and paying their respects.

Shepard shook his head.

"No…kind of waiting for it to disperse a little."

Ashley knew this was a lie for she had done the same thing during Shepard's memorial service years ago; she was the last one to go up to the wall display. The line wasn't even that long and was on the rather short side now. Everyone was mostly waiting for the service to begin.

"C'mon, I'll go up with you." Ashley offered, grabbing his hand.

Shepard sighed. He was trying to avoid it for as long as possible, but going up at the same with Ashley would make it a little less daunting so he took the offer and walked with her and got in the line.

"Reminds me of Dad's funeral you know? All the Alliance people in uniform walking around, running into a familiar faces I haven't even seen since then." Ashley observed.

"You still think about him a lot?" Shepard asked.

"Every once in a while, yeah. I still sometimes wonder what he would say about certain things, you know?" Ashley replied.

"Like me?"

Ashley pondered the thought. They had already gone over this plenty of times before, how she wished her father could have met Shepard.

"Yeah…sometimes. He would have liked you, military your whole life and all."

"Not really. You sometimes forget I grew up here on Earth, Ash."

Ashley snickered a little. She sometimes did forget about Shepard's childhood, or lack thereof. She grew up with a traditional family; siblings with a working father and a mother to care for them. Shepard had never met his own parents and moved around all over North America as a child and by the age of fifteen was on his own and three years later enlisted in the Alliance.

"Sorry, I guess I do don't I?" Ashley asked the rhetorical question, feeling a bit of shame. Shepard tightened his grip on her hand in response, gliding his thumb over the back of her hand. He appreciated the sentiment anyway; it strengthened the idea of what Ash thought of him, that he was 'good' enough to show off to her family.

"That's OK." He reassured her.

"I'm kind of glad it's a closed casket. I don't think I could go up there if it were open." Ashley remarked, changing the subject back to Anderson.

"Me too. I don't think I could stand to see him like that." Shepard replied, referring to the state of Anderson's lifeless body.

"He meant a lot to you. It's natural to feel that way; I didn't look at my father's casket. Preferred to try and relish the good memories of when he was here." Ash tried to reason with Shepard.

"I guess so. Still feels like yesterday that I was assigned to the Normandy and Anderson was giving me all sorts of hell…" he chuckled.

Shepard and Ashley were now in-line to be the next ones to go up after the man and woman ahead of them left.

"You ready…Skipper?" Ashley asked, letting out a deep sigh. Shepard turned his head and nodded at her to confirm. He wasn't sure of what he would even say; perhaps hoping it would just come to him once he got up there.

Finally it was their time to go up. Ashley wrapped her left arm around Shepard's right arm and they approached together. A Systems Alliance flag was draped neatly over the casket with Anderson's set of dog tags placed on top of it in a small display case.

"The righteous perish, and no one ponders it in his heart… devout men are taken away and no one understands that the righteous are taken away to be spared from evil…Those who walk uprightly enter into peace; they find rest as they lie in death." Ashley rehearsed a scripture from the Bible as she rest her head on Shepard's shoulder, their arms still wrapped together.

"Who is that from?" he asked.

"Isaiah… It means that when good men die, they are able to finally find peace for all the deeds they've done." Ashley explained.

"That works." Shepard replied bluntly as he smiled back at Ashley.

"He was a damn good soldier but an even better man…" Ashley said. "I'll give you a few minutes alone if you want." She asked and Shepard nodded to confirm.

Ashley held his hand before leaving and gave a slight somber look back to him. Anderson's death obviously affected her too; they'd gotten to know each other well over the past few years. With Shepard and her father both gone, Anderson was the one there for her. He was a strong voice and a sturdy presence that she needed during that time period. Still, she couldn't imagine the emotional pain that Shepard was going through now himself. The emotions had to be overwhelming him she thought; anger, grief, wanting to blame himself. But he needed to deal with this himself, because it was something she couldn't help him with. If he were to get over this and move on, it would have to be as a result of him doing so alone.

Shepard placed his right hand on top of the casket and looked down at it. Unknowing of what was actually inside pained him, part of him needed to know. What exactly happened? It was the second time that Shepard couldn't remember something significant and it bothered him greatly. Upon the destruction of the original Normandy and subsequently being spaced; then waking up on a surgical table in some random Cerberus facility. And now this. He could only remember the shuttle ride over to the beam with Anderson and Major Coats, also not even being able to remember if Ash was with him or not, and then waking up buried beneath a gigantic pile of rubble, unaware of where he was or what even happened.

"Rest in peace, Anderson. You've certainly earned it." Shepard said aloud, finally building up the courage to say something. He knew it was weak, but it was still something. Unfortunately, he was still at a loss of words and unlike Ashley, he didn't have any verses, quotes, or phrases to cite from his memory. Shepard tapped the top of the casket with his index finger three times and walked away back towards where Ashley was waiting for him.

"Good to go?" she asked and again Shepard merely nodded in response. "Well, let's go find us a seat; the pews are starting to fill up." Ashley said.

Soon after they sat down six rows from the front, a familiar face sat down next to Shepard.

"I appreciate you saving me a seat, Shepard." he said.

"…Garrus? What brings you here? I thought you were back on Palaven?" Shepard asked.

"Well… I was but I came back to the Citadel for a… few different reasons. Figured I'd drop in and come pay my respects since I was in the area. Nice to see you too, Ash." Garrus explained and giving a slight nod to Ashley while doing so.

"What's it like on Palaven?" Shepard asked, somewhat enjoying the distraction away from the funeral.

"It's getting better…but we still got a long ways to go. Some cities were completely wiped out; those are going to take awhile I imagine." Garrus answered.

"Not much different from Earth then I take it?" Ashley piped up.

"Hmm…I guess not. Though you humans seem to take pride in having your own cities destroyed only to rebuild them all over again." Garrus joked.

"So how is it being a diplomat for the Primarch, Garrus?" Shepard asked curiously.

"It's gotten slower. As more of Palaven is being put together there's… a lesser need for me to go running around the galaxy as an errand boy."

"Never thought I'd see the day that you became a politician, Garrus." Shepard remarked. "Failed C-Sec officer, former vigilante, Reaper task force leader, diplomat for the Turian Primarch…that's a hell of a résumé you've managed to compile." Shepard couldn't help but chuckle after finishing his sentence.

"Huh…I guess you could say I've come a long way. Still, it's not close to anything you've done Shepard. First human Spectre, Hero of the Citadel, Conqueror of the Collectors and the Reapers…" Garrus rambled. "And what's that human saying of yours? Something about having nine lives…what's that for you now, Shepard…seven left?"

"Something like that. I've given up on trying to keep track." Ashley blurted out. Shepard couldn't help but laugh a little, sitting between the two of them.

However the laughs were short lived, as the funeral service was now beginning. The Pastor opened with scriptures from the Bible, going into detail to explain them, how they fit into what Anderson had accomplished during his life and that he was indeed in a better place now. Soon after, the Pastor asked for those who wished to speak on his behalf to come up one at a time. The first to come up was Admiral Hackett, who spoke of Anderson not only as a fellow military man, but as a friend. The next person to come up to speak was more personal, more in-depth, and more profound. Kahlee Sanders was the second person and she spoke of her friendship and subsequent relationship with Anderson. She had to fight back tears while speaking, but the crowd was more than understanding, letting her take as much time as she needed to get through it. A few people in the front row offered heartfelt encouragement to her as well. The third person to speak was Shepard, who hadn't told anyone about his plan to go up, even Ashley. As Shepard got up from the pew, Ashley looked up at him with a concerned look. She didn't know how well this would go and whether if he would even be able to handle it or not.

As he approached the podium, he pulled a small note from his right uniform pants pocket. Shepard had written down what he would say. It's also why he fumbled for words when he went up to the casket, not wanting to repeat what he had to say twice. When he got up to the podium, he wanted it to be completely genuine. Standing at the podium, he looked out into the crowd and spotted Ashley, who still had the look of a curious concern on her face.

"My name is Commander Robert Shepard and… Admiral David Anderson was my former commanding officer aboard the SSV Normandy… mentor… and most importantly, a close friend." Shepard took a momentary pause before continuing, every word he spoke seemed to take so much effort. "When I was assigned to the SSV Normandy under his command over three years ago, little did I know at that point how much of an effect he would have upon my life." Shepard gazed back at Ashley after staring down at his note while occasionally looking back up at the crowd as he read.

"David was…a steady rock for all of us and I was certainly no exception. When I…came back a little over two years ago, he was the one of the few that understood me; what I'd gone through." Shepard remarked, but knowing how awkward that must've sounded. Here he was preaching how he came back from the dead, at a funeral of all places.

"It was almost as if we just picked things up right where they left off. David had a…natural talent for that. Wasn't about any of the formalities and non-genuine bullshit, instead he was always straight forward and to the point. And he wasn't ever afraid to call you out if it was needed…and I appreciated that." Shepard explained, as the words were starting to come out a little easier now.

"Obviously we all wish he were still here…but we also must remember that he has simply gone onto yet another important duty and that is to be one of the Lord, to watch over us, helping to ensure our well-being in the days yet to come…We'll all miss him." Shepard finished, slowly stepping down from the podium and walking back to his seat.

Ashley sat more upright as he approached, she wasn't entirely sure about what Shepard just said. He was entirely religious; though he had picked up more from her over the course of all the time they'd been together.

"That was nice." She said to him as Shepard took back his seat, only shrugging his shoulders in response.

"I figured I had to at least say something." He explained.

There was one last speaker after Shepard; it was a personal friend of Anderson's that Shepard had not met before; however he was quicker than any of the previous three ahead of him. Shortly after the Pastor said the final words and everyone was dismissed. The burial had not been scheduled yet, as such was the situation with Earth. There wasn't a designated burial ground yet, especially for the more formal burials of high ranking officers or politicians.

Most people were congregating around the church, sharing friendly conversations with others. Ashley had stricken up a conversation with a candidate that attended officer candidate school at the same time as her, reliving past memories as well as playing catch up with each other. Garrus was occupied with another Turian, whom Shepard hadn't seen before and just assumed it had to deal with politics and as a result he as stayed clear as possible.

Shepard snuck out alone onto the thirty-sixth floor balcony that overlooked the city below. The weather was fitting with the mood of the day; cloudy and fairly windy. Shepard leaned up against the railing, watching the passing shuttles, cars, and jet fighters pass by at their own speeds. In a way, it reminded him of the Citadel before the war; busy but yet so calm.

"You know I never got a funeral of my own. I guess this is what it would have been like I imagine."

Shepard was startled and turned to his right, only to be startled once again by the sight of who stood next to him. He rubbed his eyes a bit, in disbelief and looked around him. He was still in the same spot.

"…Kaidan?"

Kaidan smiled back at him as if he were glad that Shepard finally figured it out.

"The one and only." He smirked.

"Am I…dreaming? This is another one of those nightmares, isn't it? One of those ones where I can't wake up, snap out of it?" Shepard questioned.

"No." Kaidan answered bluntly. "I'm dead. You're just able to see me. We're all around you, Shepard. Most just can't see us is all. Your ghosts…you seem to have a lot of them."

"Wait a minute…_my_ ghosts?" Shepard asked.

"Yeah…turns out I'm not the only one. Weird thing though…they're all from Earth."

"My ghosts are all from Earth? I'm still not even entirely sure I'm not dreaming." Shepard replied hastily.

"Never mind that, you're obviously too busy wondering why I'm here. Let me explain…" Kaidan pleaded.

"By all means." Shepard said.

"I'm dead. But, I'm actually still here. You're not imagining things, it's just no one else can see me but I can see and hear them. It's…complicated." Kaidan tried to explain.

"Obviously…but how come I'm just now seeing you?" Shepard wondered.

"It's simpler than it looks, really. I mean… you were dead yourself for _two_ years and then just months ago you were in a week long coma. You've experienced death, Shepard and not a lot of people come back from the dead. You've just been too busy to stop and realize it."

"Sorry, but this still doesn't make any sense to me. I'm having a conversation with a man that died three years ago." replied Shepard.

"Eh, you'll get used to it. Just give it some time." Kaidan begged.

Shepard looked back out at the view, watching more and more vehicles pass by. This didn't make any sense to him whatsoever. He was still under the impression he was dreaming again, only this was a different form of the nightmares. Was what "Kaidan" saying even possible? Shepard was officially dead for two years after all but why show up now?

"And hey Shepard, what you said about Anderson? That was real nice… It was. Really liked what you had to say back there. " Kaidan said, attempting to strike up more conversation. Shepard only looked back at him with a bit of a smirk on his face.

"I also noticed you and Williams. She's really made something out of herself... Lieutenant Commander now, huh? Second human Spectre? Can't believe it…So much for that Williams curse she always seemed to ramble on about." He chuckled.

Kaidan paused for a moment.

"Nothing else to say? You're not gonna talk to me. OK…" said Kaidan, who looked away from Shepard and out towards the cityscape. "So what's next? Going to head back to the Normandy anytime soon? Maybe go back to Toronto… feel sorry for yourself some more?"

"You know what Kaidan…" Shepard turned to his right but no one was there. Just like that he was gone. The vanishing act didn't do much to help Shepard's conscience. He was just having an actual conversation with somebody that technically wasn't even there, but at the same time he was. It was all still confusing.

"There you are!" Ashley said, opening the balcony door. Shepard turned around and smiled back at her. "Was worried there for a second, I couldn't find you, looking all over the place. What are you doing all the way up here?"

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." Shepard replied, chuckling. "Just needed to get some air, I guess."

"Something bothering you?" she asked.

"I was just…thinking." Shepard caught himself before answering truthfully. He knew she wouldn't believe him and she'd probably think he'd have gone off the deep end, taking Anderson's death a little too hard or something along those lines.

"Oh yeah? About what?" Ashley asked, continuing to dig deeper when Shepard wasn't in the mood to talk as she came over to the railing where Shepard was standing.

"It's nothing." answered Shepard.

"Nothing, huh? When will you learn that I can tell when you're lying?"

"I'm being honest, Ash. I just came out here to try and clear my mind. Sorry, if that's such a problem." Shepard said back to her harshly.

"Well if you're just going to be an ass about it I guess I'll go back downstairs. Come find me when you're done pouting." replied Ashley as she headed back for the door.

"Ash…" Shepard spoke up softly. She opened the door but stopped before walking through it and turned to take a look back at him. She walked away from the door, letting it close, slowly approaching Shepard again.

"Sorry. I'm just not in the mood to talk." explained Shepard as he turned met her halfway and extended his arms, inviting her into a hug.

"So just say so next time." Ashley stated as she wrapped her arms around him and vice-versa. Shepard rested his chin on her shoulder. This was real and certainly not a figment of his imagination.

Ashley broke apart and looked back up at him. She could tell something was bothering him, at this point of their relationship she could read his emotions as if they were a book. However, Ash didn't want to upset him even more by asking a second time, it was probably best if she just dropped it for now. Either way, she felt guilty about spouting off to him like that. It was far too harsh of a thing to say to him and she immediately regretted saying it when she did.

"I'm sorry too, I shouldn't have snapped at you like that. I should have been more understanding…" apologized Ashley.

"It's OK. You forget that I'm not the only one who has gone through a lot lately." Shepard explained cutting her off and looking back at her. As much as he'd gone through the past three years, Ashley was right there behind him in terms of all the bullshit that was thrown at the both of them respectively.

Ash appreciated the comment and smiled back at him.

"C'mon…let's head back downstairs. Somebody is probably looking for us." Ashley suggested.

"Why would anyone be looking for us?" he questioned as the door opened.

"Well, considering the two of us are expected to be subjects in a set of hearings with the Admirals in about two weeks …" she explained in one lengthy breath as the both of them walked back inside.

"_Right_, really looking forward to that." Shepard replied sarcastically. "But…I think we can afford a few minutes alone."

He tugged on her right arm, pulling Ashley back to him and they hugged again, only this time Shepard had no intention of letting her break apart.

"I don't think now is the time." She remarked.

"Who said anything about that? I can't have a few minutes alone with the woman I love?" Shepard asked as he pulled back a little to look back at her.

"You can. She just wasn't sure where you were going with it." Ashley giggled.

"So judgmental." teased Shepard.

"Can we go back inside? It's freezing out here." Ashley asked.

"Why? I think its fine."

"Your cheeks are red and you're shivering." Ashley shot back.

"And you're warm." Shepard joked, squeezing Ashley more tightly until she punched him in the arm and he let go.

"Alright, c'mon. We should get back down there." She spoke up, but still holding his hand.

"You planning on letting go of my hand before we go back?" he asked.

"No, it's warm." Ashley teased back and Shepard smiled back at her in response. He was beaten at his own game.


	11. Chapter 11 Out In The Open

**Author's Note:** Sorry about the long gap between updates but I've been super busy with work, poolee physical training with the Marines, and just overall life I guess. With a tad bit of laziness. Truth be told, I actually started writing this chapter way back in May. However there was a block I hit like a brick wall, I had no clue how to create something that would fit and would be able to continue the story and I really wanted to get this out so…let's just say I'll leave it to your imagination. I don't know how much this story will continue on, due to my shipping date to boot camp becoming sooner and sooner with each passing day and once I'm gone that'll probably be it, I'm sorry to say. This isn't by any means a conclusion to the story here in this chapter, rather just pretty much giving you a heads up. As always, I welcome any reviews; negative or positive.

**Chapter 11: Out In The Open**

_(takes place back in Toronto, the setting for the hearing concerning Commander(s) Shepard and Williams)_

It was rather dark in Shepard's apartment; the only light that was lit was the one directly overhead the island counter in the kitchen. Shepard pulled a stool up to the counter and sat down with a whiskey bottle in his hand. Grabbing the glass that was already sitting on top of the counter, he poured a drink for himself. He hadn't seen Ash in two days, due to a mutual agreement between them that they should stay at a distance before the hearings, just in case. Downing the first glass, he poured himself another and upon setting down the bottle on the counter, Shepard looked up at the person sitting across from him.

"I don't think attending a hearing with the Admirals while hungover would be a great idea…just my opinion though." Kaidan's ghost appeared again.

Shepard glared back at him and huffed.

"I think I've earned a few drinks." Shepard contested as Kaidan grabbed another glass from the shelf and poured himself a drink. Kaidan's ghost had become even more life-like in recent days.

"You know you've been drinking a lot lately…" Kaidan observed.

Shepard smirked back at him.

"Like I said."

"This ghost thing…I guess it's hitting you pretty hard then, huh?" asked Kaidan.

"You could say that. Here's the way I look at it…You're dead, right? Which means I'm either very drunk and I'm still imagining this entire thing or my mind is more screwed up than I originally thought. So, cheers." Shepard explained as he took his second drink.

Kaidan had a look of astonishment on his face.

"You show up two weeks ago like nothing's changed, like you're still… here. I've had whole conversations with you and then I turn around and you disappear into thin air. It's not doing a whole lot to help my conscience." continued Shepard.

"It's complicated." said Kaidan.

"You said that." Shepard replied, holding his glass and pointing it at him.

"Besides, why me? You've done nothing but follow me around for two weeks. You can't tell me you can't go…fly over to someone else and bug them for a while?" Shepard asked.

"No, I can't. And if I could, I would."

"So, you're final resting place is being a persistent thorn in my side then…great." Shepard assumed, going for the whiskey bottle a third time only to be interrupted by a repeated knock on the door.

"You going to get that…or?" Kaidan asked.

"Yeah, I'm going. If you're so worried about it why don't you get your ghostly ass up and get it yourself?" he said, going for the door.

Shepard answered the door and was surprised to see it was Ashley, who was basically defying their agreement to stay away from each other, especially since the hearing was tomorrow morning.

"Hey…I knocked because I didn't know if you had company, I heard you talking."

Shepard looked back towards the island counter, only to see it wasn't occupied. Kaidan had disappeared once again with convenient timing.

"Uhh…no. I was…it was the vids. Talking to myself." Shepard tried his best to explain, even though it was entirely awkward.

Ashley walked in and noticed the overall darkness in the apartment first thing.

"Exactly what kind of vids were you watching?" she teased.

"Very funny." chuckled Shepard.

Shepard got more serious now. He wondered why she showed up all of a sudden, they'd made it pretty clear that they'd do their best to avoid each other ahead of time. However she also seemed off and not her usual self, as if something was bothering her inside. Shepard recognized this look, Ashley was about to spit something out that she had been thinking about for quite some time but was continuing to hold it in.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

"Shepard, I just…wanted to let you know that despite whatever happens tomorrow, that I'll still love you no matter what." Ashley said. She was fumbling for words.

"Ash, you know you don't have to say anything." Shepard replied, approaching her slowly.

"Maybe. But I just felt like I needed to say it. God only knows what kind of fire they're going to throw at us tomorrow." She explained.

"It doesn't matter what they say, you know that. What we have is real, what some Admiral with a stick up his ass has to say about us is irrelevant. Ash, I love you." Shepard took her hands and clutched them into his hands.

"You always make it seem so simple." Ashley softly spoke up.

"Maybe because it's not always as hard as you think it is."

"True. I can't help it sometimes; it's just the way I am I guess. Paranoia comes naturally." Ashley explained further.

"Forget our agreement. Stay here with me tonight." offered Shepard.

"I don't know, Shepard."

"It's up to you, Ash. I'm just letting you know…my open door policy still exists."

Ashley looked back at Shepard and giggled a tiny bit. It was like deja-vu all over again. About a million things were on her mind, confronting Shepard, and him being there to offer a place of solace for her. It had been awhile since it was this way though. Due to all of his injuries, Shepard was the one who needed her and it was almost vice-versa from before.

"Are you sure it's not just the booze getting to you?" she asked, hinting towards the whiskey bottle on the counter.

"Well, even if it was…not much I can do about it at this point." Shepard answered, giving a sarcastic smile in return.

Ashley took her hands away from Shepard's, leaning in closer, putting her arms on his shoulders and wrapping them around his neck. Getting the hint, Shepard placed his hands on her hips.

"Deal." She stated point blank.

They shared a short embrace before Shepard picked her up by her thighs. Ashley wrapped her legs around his waist and he carried her into the next room and placed her gently onto the bed before climbing onto the bed, and subsequently her, himself.

The large room was completely full, filled up to standing room only. Because this hearing was still dealing with sensitive Alliance matters, the media, even those with proper Alliance clearance, was not allowed in the room however the hearing was still being recorded. An audience was permitted and sat in the few rows of seating that were available, so long as they possessed the right qualifications.

Sitting behind a lengthy desk with a nameplate and microphone placed on the desk for each seat, were seven Admirals dressed in their finest uniforms. Sitting in the center of all the Admirals, was Admiral Mikhailovich, who would be in charge of the hearing as well as the one asking the questions. Across from the long desk were two small tables with a microphone and two chairs behind each of them respectively facing the direction of the Admirals. Shepard sat at the table on the right side of the room; alone.

"Let it be known that this is the eighth meeting of the Admiralty regarding the actions taken by the present witness." Mikhailovich began. "When we last adjourned some months ago, we were discussing the actions, presumptions, and violations of Alliance protocol regarding the witness' own dealings over a three year period in regards to the ongoing war with the Reapers and their… accomplices."

Mikhailovich paused before speaking again, giving everyone a chance to digest what he had just said.

"Will the witness please state his name." he ordered.

Shepard, sitting in the seat on the left, leaned to his right to speak into the microphone.

"Commander Robert Shepard."

Mikhailovich sat back in his seat and looked to the Admiral on his left, he was somewhat irritated.

"I assume that your decision to not retain legal counsel still stands, Commander?" he asked.

"That is correct." Shepard answered bluntly.

"I take it that you do indeed understand that many of these questions are of the legal nature and that any of the answers you give could end up incriminating you…?"

"I understand that, Admiral. My decision nevertheless remains the same." explained Shepard.

"We can postpone this hearing until the afternoon, if you wish to retain counsel. I don't think any of us would have a problem with-"

Shepard leaned into the microphone again; at this point he was flat out annoyed and cut off the Admiral.

"What is the first question, Admiral?" Shepard asked.

"Very well then… we shall begin." Mikhailovich concluded, giving a disproving look to Shepard in the process.

"Commander, when we last adjourned we were discussing your doings while you were _employed_ by the organization formally known as Cerberus. Do you remember that?"

"I do." Shepard replied.

"While _employed_ by Cerberus, did you have any confrontation with any current serving member of the Systems Alliance?" the Admiral questioned.

"I did."

"And who might that have been?" Mikhailovich pressed.

"It wasn't just one person, Admiral." Shepard explained. "I met with Admiral Anderson numerous times on the Citadel. I also came into contact with, at the time, Operations Chief Ashley Williams on the colony of Horizon in the Terminus Systems."

"And these two were the only ones?"

"That's correct, Admiral. They were the only two that I came into contact with." Shepard replied.

"Why do I find that curious, Commander?"

"I primarily operated out in the Terminus Systems, where Alliance presence was stretched thin. It was unlikely that I would come into contact with Alliance personnel. Admiral Anderson requested my presence on the Citadel and I ran into Operations Chief Williams purely based on circumstance." retorted Shepard.

"Circumstances regarding your dealings with Cerberus and your subsequent mission against the Collectors as a result?"

"That is correct." Shepard confirmed.

"Very well." Mikhailovich declared. He was satisfied with Shepard's answer. It wasn't anything to use against him, but it definitely helped progress where he wanted the hearing to go.

"Who is Ka'hairal Balak?" he questioned with a demanding tone of voice, moving the hearing along.

Shepard was caught off guard by the question, but wasn't surprised by it either. Balak was a Batarian he confronted on the Citadel, who was responsible for the deaths of Alliance personnel docked there. However, it wasn't the first time Shepard had come into contact with this certain Batarian. Balak was the one responsible for the threat on Terra Nova almost 4 years ago. This time, Shepard killed Balak when he was confronted by him at gunpoint instead of letting him go a second time.

"That information is classified."

Admiral Mikhailovich's lips tightened and slapped his hands down on the table, growing even more irritated. He wasn't to be the one that was getting jerked around during this hearing.

"Perhaps we need to clarify. We represent the Human Systems Alliance, which means we represent humanity. That information has now been de-classified by the Council due to information regarding the Alliance. Now I'm going to ask you one more time, Commander. Who is Ka'hairal Balak?" Mikhailovich repeated.

Shepard paused for a moment before answering. The Admiral purposely put him in a tough spot.

"Ka'hairal Balak was a known operative and officer of the Batarian External Forces. Incriminating evidence was found by Citadel Security and myself, a direct result of my action in exercising Spectre authority, of him being responsible for the deaths of over one hundred Alliance personnel. Balak was also directly involved in the terrorist threat on Terra Nova almost 4 years ago." Shepard said, reluctantly giving up the information. He knew exactly where this was headed.

"And what happened to Mr. Balak?" Mikhailovich continued to press further with each question.

"He was killed by a gunshot wound to the chest."

"Well, the last time I checked Commander, bullets don't come flying out of a gun by themselves…" Mikhailovich replied back with a hint of sarcasm.

"**I** shot him, Admiral." Shepard explained.

"So you're confirming the fact that you did indeed kill, Mr. Balak?" questioned Mikhailovich.

"That is correct, Admiral." confirmed Shepard.

"And would you classify that you're actions in handling Mr. Balak were perhaps…a bit extreme? Considering you easily could have talked Mr. Balak _down_ and subsequently put him into custody, according to the Citadel Security report? Balak was evading law enforcement across the galaxy for years…"

"Probably." answered Shepard.

Mikhailovich sat back in his seat.

"Probably…? That's a very…_cavalier _answer, Commander. Little do you realize that this is where in-lies the problem. Because it seems to me that you think you are above the law! Ka'hairal Balak was directly responsible for the deaths of countless Alliance personnel, as well as numerous terrorist threats that fortunately never came to frutition, so don't you think he should have been tried in our courts as a result? Was there a galaxy-wide war going on at the time? Absolutely. However, that does not excuse for the fact that you just decided to take matters into your own hands. You completely blew off the notion of due process." Mikhailovich said, shrugging his shoulders as he finished his last sentence.

"As I said, I was operating under my Spectre authority, Admiral." Shepard shot back quickly.

"But that's just it. You don't seem to care about the implications! Never mind the facts, who else it could affect, the ideology...all of it. It's just what you think is right at the time and that's apparently supposed to be good enough for the rest of us." Mikhailovich went even further.

Shepard took a deep breath before he began.

"Admiral, why don't I just save you some time…it's obvious that you're agenda is an attempt to discredit me, the people I've worked with, and the things that I have done. You're so focused on-"

"My only agenda is to get to the truth." Mikhailovich said. He was the one cutting Shepard off now.

"I don't think it is." Shepard replied harshly.

"Excuse me?" Mikhailovich shot back.

"The truth is Admiral, is that I was enacting well within my rights as a Council Spectre. In the field, it _is_ ultimately my decision to make. I was confronted at gunpoint and I acted accordingly." Shepard attempted to explain.

"By killing Mr. Balak!" Mikhailovich exclaimed.

"By dealing with a man, under my own authority, who accounted for the deaths of countless innocent people and as a result, quite possibly even saving more innocent lives by dealing with the situation before he could act again." Shepard replied.

"So what you're saying Commander is that the ends justify the means…and that you are indeed above the law. Even when the implications of such an incident are far more drastic because it involves so many different people, much less an entire different species. Humanity, and especially _you_, are not exactly in good standing with what's left of the Batarians."

"As a Spectre, when I am tapped to investigate and complete an objective, it is entirely my call as to how it will play out. To complete that objective, what needs to be done is done at any cost." Shepard said, pleading his case.

"And in this case, that cost so happens to be due process and faith in the justice system." Mikhailovich said starkly.

"As a Spectre and as a combat soldier, it is my responsibility to adapt to my surroundings and the people that I deal with, as I see fit. If I was incapable of doing so, I would not be a Spectre. I would not be a commanding officer. So to answer your question, Admiral: No, I am not above the law. But I am more than willing to be judged by my peers. If they agree that my actions were unjust, I will accept whatever punishment that they see fit. But if you are asking me if I regret the things that I have done, my answer is that… I don't." said Shepard. His response garnered the attention of everyone in the room.

"A nice sentiment. Believe me when I say that I do understand where you are coming from, Commander. Being a commanding officer is a task that is not suited for the common person. But I guess that's what makes this all so perplexing. Our ideals on how to accomplish objectives seem to be completely contrasting from one another." Mikhailovich attempted to explain.

"Every officer has their own unique way of getting the job done, Admiral." Shepard stated.

"Despite how true that might be, it still does not recues you from your actions while serving in an Alliance uniform. It does not matter if you were enabled to act on your own authority, as long as you are in representation and employment of the Alliance, your actions must be held accountable. You should know that better than anyone, Commander." said Mikhailovich, who was showing no signs of easing off the pressure of the questions he posed.

"I understand that, Admiral." confirmed Shepard.

"Good…We shall move on to the next item." declared Mikhailovich. "Can the second witness to this hearing please be seated at the second table?"

A dark-haired woman dressed in an Alliance uniform came into view; she was escorted up to the table on the left side of the floor by an Alliance soldier and sat down.

"Now just for the records sake, you might recall that this witness has spoken on behalf of Commander Shepard before. Only now is she a part of the questioning." Mikhailovich attempted to clarify for everybody else. "Will the second witness to this hearing please state her name."

Shepard looked slightly to his left to catch a glimpse of her.

"Lieutenant Commander Ashley Williams."

"Nice of you to join us." Mikhailovich said starkly. Ashley rolled her eyes, of which Shepard had caught a glimpse of and subsequently had to try his best to contain any sort of laughter, even a slight smile.

"Before…you spoke on the behalf of Commander Shepard…do you recall doing as such?" Mikhailovich questioned.

"Yes I do, Admiral." Ashley answered back quickly.

"Looking over the transcripts from that hearing, it seems you chose to…defend Commander Shepard's actions. You were one of only three to do so. The other two being the late Admiral Anderson, as well as Fleet Admiral Hackett." continued the Admiral.

"That is correct and I still believe his actions were entirely justified." Ash said.

"Thank you for clarifying that…however you made it very clear which side you were on the first time. I'd be suspicious if you changed your stance now." Mikhailovich replied back to her. His plan of cornering her with certain questions was working exactly as he hoped, just as it did with Shepard.

Shepard listened to the back and forth between Ashley and the Admiral very intently. He wasn't permitted to be present when others were speaking on his behalf so he never heard Ashley's "testimony" the first time. In a way, it all didn't seem to make much sense to him. If Ashley defended him during a hearing with the Admirals, why was she so distrusting after he came back aboard the Normandy? Was it something more than just what he did? Shepard knew the answer to the latter question, she was still emotionally upset about…everything. And frankly, Shepard later came to realize that he didn't blame her either but also realized something else: Ashley defended him because she still loved him, not because she agreed with what he did.

Finally the questioning started to turn towards Shepard once again. Ashley's answers were indefensible, providing sufficient reasoning and evidence that backed up her decisions. Her loyalty to the Alliance never wavered, which undoubtedly helped her cause. It was an advantage that she had over Shepard.

"I believe it's time to get to the heart of the matter…the reason that brings the both of you here, namely you, Commander Williams. For such a dedicated and loyal service member of the Alliance, I personally find it astonishing you'd be willing to put that service on the line for so…little." Mikhailovich said. "And you, Commander Shepard. For a man that has accomplished so much in such little time…Like it or not, you're regarded as a hero to many even if they don't know the full truth of your actions."

Whether it was genuine or not, Admiral Mikhailovich respected the both of them. As soldiers, their experiences made up quite the record file.

"Still, none of that excuses any of what I'm about to make known to the people currently in this room." Mikhailovich said. Shepard took a quick glance over at Ashley, who had a face that made a look of "oh boy…"

"Both of you are indeed aware of the Systems Alliance regulations regarding fraternization among crewmates, correct?" Mikhailovich questioned.

"I understand them, Admiral." Shepard claimed.

Admiral Mikhailovich then glared over at Ashley. She had her head down, looking down at the table that was in front of her.

"And you, Williams?"

Ashley lifted her head up and stared directly back at the Admiral.

"Yes, Admiral. I fully understand the regulations agains-"

***Fast forward***

_(Shepard's sitting in the driver's seat of an air car, in Toronto, waiting on Ashley)_

As he watched other cars come into or leave the parking area he was waiting in, Shepard couldn't help but think to himself. The inside of the car was as quiet as a church in the evening, completely blocking out the noises created by the surroundings of the outside. He tapped his fingers up and down on the steering wheel, replicating the sound of a ticking clock in a silent room. It had been two months since the last Alliance hearing with the Admirals, which concluded several things. Among them? He and Ashley's relationship. The knowledge of it had finally revealed itself beyond themselves or the Normandy crew. They escaped relatively unscathed, though it didn't feel like it at times.

Shepard filed his request for discharge from the Alliance military. The move came as a surprise to many, but for a select few, it was only a matter of time. Who those few people were however, were people who knew enough about him to come to the conclusion that it was brought on by other extenuating circumstances. His injuries and relationship were obviously the primary reasons, but also one that no one else but the man himself knew about; his conscience. Now that the war was over, Shepard was forced to finally relax and reflect. Only he had nothing to reflect on except for those who did not see it through. The memories created a burden of grief for him. The solution to grief? Alcohol.

His drinking came to the forefront of his problems. In what used to be the occasional drink, became the regular routine. Coffee was substituted for whiskey, juice replaced by vodka. Copious amounts of booze in his system created a comfortable feeling of numbness. Still, it was something he attempted to conceal. Never drinking in front of former colleagues and crew or pretending to enjoy the coffee Ashley would brew for the two of them. An unfortunate side effect of the constant drinking was the even more frequent appearances from ghosts. Friendly, but painful reminders of those weren't able to see to the war's end or those who perished in his life leading up to it.

"I asked you. I _asked_ you."

"Asked me what?" Shepard answered, turning to his right and seeing Kaidan sitting in the passenger seat.

"To check in on my family. Make sure they were doing OK. It was one thing. One _simple_ favor and you couldn't do it." antagonized Kaidan.

Shepard rolled his eyes and looked out the driver's side window.

"You realize I'm in Toronto, right?" He said, turning back to Kaidan. "Your family's back in Vancouver."

"Supposedly." Kaidan quickly snapped.

"Supposedly…" Shepard said as he rubbed the inside of his hand on the 5 o'clock shadow he was currently sporting on his face. "I don't have access to Alliance records anymore, that's why I haven't looked into it, OK? I'll see if Ash can't dig something up for you but-"

"But _what_?" snapped Kaidan again.

"It'll look suspect."

Kaidan began to chuckle and Shepard tried not to lose his train of thought.

"You know or she'll suspect something and get all upset, I can't just bring you or your family or anything up without…you know."

"Yeah, I get it. Just try and bring it up casually maybe. Ask how her sisters are doing or something first. Getting her yapping like she always does."

"Yapping? She doesn't yap, wh-what're you talking about?"

"Oh please, Shepard. You and I both know she could talk a Salarian's ear off…one thing always leads to another. And the way I hear it, apparently in you two's case, that thing happens to be sex."

"Alright, alright, alright. I'll ask her, just… be patient."

Just then Ashley walked out the front doors of the Alliance facility and saw the parked air car Shepard was waiting in. Waving to acknowledge him, she fast-walked to the car.

"Hey! I got your message, didn't expect you to be this early though." Ashley exclaimed as the passenger door of the air car opened and she climbed inside.

"I had nothing going on today, so I figured I'd come pick up my lady." Shepard replied.

"That's kind of the norm for you nowadays, isn't it? Racing across the galaxy for years and now you're so bored you can't think of anything better to do besides coming to pick me up from a briefing? Talk about a 180.." retorted Ash teasingly.

"Yeah well, I think I've earned the right to sit around with my thumb up my ass doing nothing." He answered.

"But I appreciate it." Ashley responded by pecking a kiss to his right cheek.

"Huh…I was going to charge you for this taxi fare but I see you like to pay up front." flirted Shepard.

Ashley giggled with a bit of laughter.

"You know me…besides I'm flat broke anyway. It was either that or I go flash my breasts to some drunken cabbie and hope he'll give me a ride in return."

"Oh, well in that case…" smirked Shepard.

Ashley held up her left hand to signal that was the end of that conversation.

"Just shut up and drive, Skipper."


End file.
